I spilled my juice today.
It was not any old apple or orange juice, it was my amazing home juiced vegetable glory, and also happened to be my lunch for tomorrow.
It didn’t spill on the floor or counter, but all over the back seat of my friends car. While we were in class. Covering the seat in green slime, and after sitting in the sun for a couple hours it began to make the car reek of old pickles.
When I realized my juice had spilled, it’s safe to say I was furious. Livid! I stormed into the house, grabbed a bunch of dish towels (because of course we were out of paper towels) and began to clean up the stinky slop. The whole time mumbling horrid things under my breath. I was so angry!
My glorious juice which took time to make, and let’s be honest was not cheep to make either was gone! Waisted! My anger continued to grow as I threw one soaked towel to the ground and began scrubbing with another. ‘I mean, I have better things to do then scrub out someone else’s car!’ I thought bitterly still mumbling furiously under my breath.
That’s when I had to stop and ask myself why I was so unreasonably angry about the spill? Why did this small thing throw me into this sudden tailspin? What was really going on bringing about such a response from me?
‘Lord’ I thought somewhat hesitantly -sometimes we don’t really want to know the answers to the questions we have to ask. ‘Why am I so upset about this stupid juice? What’s really going on inside my heart?’
‘You’re upset’ said The Lord ‘because you do not trust that I will provide for you. You look at this meal of yours gone to waste and it makes you worry. Worry about where your next meal will come from. Worry about having enough money for food. Worry that I will not come through for you. beloved, you are scared out of your mind that I will not provide for you, and that fear is showing itself through anger.’
Man. How convicting. I new instantly that He was right. I have been struggling so badly lately in believing that God is going to provide for me. I know that I am supposed to be here, every single day there is conformation of that. The fear that I am doing this all alone however is there every day also. The belief That if it weren’t for me, I would have noting. Which is such a backwards way of thinking!
It is so easy to forget all the times The Lord has provided for me before. The times he has given me exactly what I have needed, exactly when I needed it. Food, clothes, finances. He has come through every single time. And yet I find myself wishing I could leave class early every day so that I would be able get a job. If only I could provide for myself.
I need to stop thinking that I care more about my well being then God does. He has me, and he WILL provide for me. He has called me to this season, to prepare my mind, and my heart for the calling that he has placed on my life. And when He calls, He will provide.
That being said, I still need $2700 to Finnish paying for my schooling. If you feel like God is calling you to support me, then please do so by clicking the “support me!” Tab on the left hand side of the page. If you don’t feel called to support me finically then please support me through prayer!
