My problem is that I forget way too easily.
I will be completely blown away by how amazing our God is, and how much he loves me. Like on Easter when I was completely blown away by His provision for me not because I deserve it, but because He LOVES me.
Then I will wake up one day and feel alone, stranded.
I will have completely forgotten the goodness of the Lord.
I start questioning the point, the point of reading the bible, the point of prayer.
Sometimes I get so distracted by what is not happening, the struggles in my team, the lies that are being whispered to me, that it consumes me. It throws me into a place where I see no point in what I am doing here.
I wrote in my Journal yesterday ‘the problem is (no matter how bad it sounds) that sometimes I find it hard to see what good praying does…. That is where I am right now, trying to find out the point of praying. What good does it do? Because I sure as heck don’t know, you got me there.”
How insane is that! I have spent the last year of my life having my mind BLOWN by the Lord, and yet I still forget. I still find it hard to see the point in praying, pressing in.
I forget, and then I begin to sink.
“So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, “Lord, save me.”
Matthew 14:29-30
These verses are amazing. Let me set the scene for you. Jesus had just fed 5000 people using just a couple fish, and some loaves of bread. Then he sent his disciples across the lake, while he met with the Father alone. It says that the Boat was ‘beaten by the waves for the wind was against them’ it was not smooth sailing, they had to fight their way through wind and waves. Thats when Jesus appears walking on the water. First scaring the crap out of the disciples, then reassuring them saying ‘take heart,it is I. Do not be afraid.’ Thats when the most amazing thing happened.
Peter GOT OUT OF THE BOAT. He saw Jesus, and got out of the boat. He left his comfort and security, and stepped into the wind and the crashing waves. He didn’t stop to think about his safety, or what was smart. No, he saw Jesus and got out of the boat.
Going on the World Race for me was a lot like me getting out of that boat. I left the comforts of home, the security of what I have always known to step into the crashing waves, all because I saw Jesus. I wanted to be where he was. I wanted to be with him.
The verse then says “But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, “Lord, save me.” Peter stopped looking at Jesus, and started looking around. He noticed the wind and the waves, And that is when he began to sink. When Peter saw the storm that was surrounding him, he began to doubt, he began to fear that Jesus could not protect him from the waves, and that is when he began to sink. He took his eyes off Jesus, and instead put them on the waves crashing around him. He forgot about the miracles he had seen Jesus do the very day before, because he was too busy looking at the waves.
When I left America, I got out of the boat. But like Peter, I find myself time and again taking my eyes off Jesus, and looking around. I start focusing on my living conditions, issues with my Teammates, my own personal struggles, and that is when I begin to sink. I begin to fear that Jesus does not hear me, That he does not listen to me, and that he can’t keep me from the waves. I so easily forget all the amazing things that the Lord has shown me, spoken to me, and done through me. Like peter I find myself sinking. That is where I am right now, sinking.
Sinking in my own self-pity.
Sinking in my own distraction.
Sinking in my self-reliance.
Sinking in my doubt.
When we turn our eyes from Jesus, and start focusing on ourselves, we begin to sink.
In Philippians 4, Paul tells us:
“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.”
Philippians 4:8-9
Paul reminds us of what we are supposed to keep our minds, hearts, and eyes on. Those things that are pure, lovely, and worthy of praise. Focus on ‘what you have learned, and received, and heard and seen in me” Paul is reminding us to stop looking at the storms around us, and start looking at the amazing thing in the world, start looking and remembering the amazing things that the Lord has done in our lives.
My best friend wrote me letters and gave them to me before I left . There is one for every month that I have been gone. In the letter that she wrote to me for this month she said “Remember that conversation that we had a couple days ago. Think about all the amazing things that the Lord has done for us, taught us, shown us, so that when you are in a dry place, those things can remind you of how good he is, and carry you through your dryness.” That is what Paul is telling us to do here! He is saying to think of what you have learned, received, and and heard and seen in Him. He is telling us to remember. By keeping your eyes on Jesus, and what he has done, he will keep you from sinking.
It says “practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you” The God of PEACE. It is fear that we are not being held by Jesus that causes us to sink. It is fear that he was never there in the first place. We forget how amazing our God is, and so we begin to gear. The opposite of fear is Peace. We need to focus on the Lord, and not the storm, and by doing so he will bring us peace.
I have been sinking because I have been looking at the storm around me, and not remembering how good the Lord is at all times. Instead of focussing on the amazing ways that my Father has provided for me, shown me, the incredible ways he has spoken to me, fear crops into my mind in the form of uncertainty.
I am uncertain that the Lord hears me.
I am uncertain that my prayers matter.
I am Not focusing at the amazing things that he has given me, the things that that are lovely, excellent, and worthy of praise. I am focusing on the storm around me, the lies, the struggles, the pain. And because of that I am sinking.
I need a paradigm shift.
Instead of focusing on my storm I need to focus on what the lord has given me, and has done for me. I need to turn my eyes to Jesus, and he will keep me from sinking.
Now don’t get me wrong. I am not saying that if you keep your eyes on the things of the Lord, that you won’t have storms. What I AM saying is that in those storms that you will face, the Lord will give you Peace, because you know that no matter how big the waves, no matter how strong the wind, Jesus has you and he will NEVER let you go.
