I like to give things a timeframe.
I can’t joke around with them, we haven’t been friends long enough.
I can’t hug them, I haven’t know them long enough.
I can’t trust them, they have to prove themselves to me first.
When I was in high school I used to scoff at all the silly little girls, and ridiculous boys going around in their “relationships.” I remember a conversation I had with one of my friends one lunch period:
“Deirdre, I think I love him”
“What?! you have only been dating him like a month. You do not love him.”
“But he is my boyfriend. We love each other”
“There is no way that you can love someone in one month. It just doesn’t work that way.”
I can’t love him, I have only known him a month.
Even though I do still believe that high school relationships are silly, and the majority of them don’t understand what real love is, I made a huge error in my snap judgement about the way love worked.
I have always put a huge prerequisite on love. You have to be with a person for a set amount of time for you to be able to love them. It was kind of like punching hours at work, without the right amount of hours there is no way that you could actually love that person.
This last month in India we had and amazing translator named Isaac. At 16 years old, he was more on fire for God then I have ever been. He is currently fluent in three different languages, and has been translating for the ministry that we were working with for over three years.
Despite his amazing passion for God,and his dedication to translating it was his personality and heart that we all fell in love with. He was our big ball of joy (and energy) . He would wake up in the morning and go around dancing and singing, when all I wanted to do was lay in bed grumpy. His smile was like a beacon, amazingly bright and shining. He would grin and you knew he meant it, he couldn’t hide a thing when he smiled.
One night me and him ended up walking to a nearby stand, and sat there drinking Chi and laughing our heads off at the ridiculous movie playing in the background, I loved every second I was able to spend with him. He was my joy in India, and the person who coxed us on, showing us how to find joy in what we considered a hopeless place.
Isaac became one of us. He was part of our team. We got to the point where we couldn’t remember a time before Isaac, a time without him. He was a world racer as much as any of us. He ate with us, went with us everywhere we went, and poured himself out during ministry just like us. He even got sick like us. Isaac was so much a part of our team that he would even sit through feedback with us, as we gave him feedback and he would give us feedback also.
We left India three days ago. Along with India, we also left Isaac.
The last day we were there I was completely ok with leaving. I knew leaving Isaac would be sad, but I was ok with it. Allison was taking it hard, and had been crying on and off all day. For me, I knew that Isaac was very much part of out team, but moving on is what I am good at. I don’t cry at goodbyes, especially not ones after only a couple of weeks. The day went on, and I was sad but at peace. we had gotten a notebook, and each of us had written Isaac a loving note at the front of it telling him about how much we loved him and I felt like that was good. That was enough feeling for me, a heart felt message.
We left at 10pm by bus. when the bus arrived we spent a good 20 minutes loading our packs into it, and getting situated. We then got off the bus to say our goodbyes. Circling around Isaac we presented him with the journal and then began to pray over him. I started praying, thanking God for the amazing man standing before me, for all the things he had done for us, and for how lucky we all were for getting the chance to know him. Then I started praying over his feature, the people he will get to influence once we leave, the woman he will someday marry, perhaps a church body he will some day lead, and thats when it happened. I started crying, I tried to ignore it but it got to the point where I had to stop praying because I was crying so hard.
We were leaving, and we were leaving Isaac behind.
This was very possibly the very last time I would ever see him again.
How was I ever going to say goodbye, when It would be a permanent thing?
All the girls were crying. Isaac was crying. I was the last person on our squad to get on the bus. My heart breaking as I walked up the bus steps toward my seat.
I leaned out my window, tears streaming down my face as I made eye contact with Isaac for the last time. Tears pouring down both of our faces I looked him in the eyes and felt broken. so broken.
I had to watch him shrinking as we pulled away from the curb …. without him…. finally disappearing as we turned a corner.
Getting on the bus was the hardest part of India. Leaving Isaac was the very hardest thing I had to do this month.
I was heartbroken. That is the easiest way to describe how I felt.
The first two hours of the bus ride were spent in tears and prayer. I was frustrated. So so frustrated. Why do I care so much I kept asking myself? I haven’t even known him for that long. How can I feel so hurt and so broken, if I am not the kind of person to get that attached?
My head was swarming as I tried to figure out what was going on. I had my reasonings; I know that I don’t have the ability to love someone that easily or quickly, I would say. I never have before. Like I said, you had to put in the time to be able to love someone, and I had only known Isaac for a little over three weeks. How could I possibly love him? I couldn’t, there that was easy! …..then why does it hurt so bad?
God put Isaac into my life to show me that love is not what I think it is. He put me and him together so that I could fall in love with him in only three weeks, a feat I once thought impossible. I didn’t love Isaac with a love that I possessed, but with a love that God gave me for him. You see I was right when I said that I could not possibly love someone that quickly, however I was not loving Isaac with my own love, I was loving him with an unconditional, never ending, unbelievably strong love that God was pouring into me. A love so strong that after only three weeks of being with Isaac I couldn’t imagine how I could go on without him.
This is the way that God loves us, only he has known us a whole lot longer then three weeks. He has had years and years to fall in love with every little thing about you. The way you smile, the way your second toe is longer then your big toe, or how the cowlick always messes up your hair. God gave me just a taste of how much he loves every single one of us, and how much we matter to him.
Spending the month of india with Isaac was the biggest blessing in the world. I am so thankful and grateful that I was able to watch him grow, and love on him for the time that I got to.
