f(x) = 4-e^-2x

noun Mathematics .
Asymptote is a line that a graph gets closer and closer to, but never touches or crosses it.

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My life at this exact point in time feels like that line, and all my goals feel like one big asymptote. No matter how hard I try or how much effort I put in it feels like I will never get to the line. I can get closer and closer but I will never reach the point that I want to, no need to, be at. I will never get everything done.

My to do list is never ending. 

Get yellow fever shot
collect items for yard sale
sort through clothes
pack everything I'm keeping
go to eye doctor
write newsletter
go to dentist

Whenever I go to my to do list to check something off I always end up adding two or three more things in its place.

send care package to deployed sister
call grandma
edit pictures for photo show
sell school books
figure out what to do with my car

It feels like there is no possible way that I can have everything done before I leave. I will never be able to reach that finish line where what I need to have done, and what I actually have done will finally meet. my life is an asymptote. getting closer and closer but never actually touching.

unfortunately for me unlike graphs which go on forever, the line of my life which is getting closer and closer to the asymptote has a third variable to take into account. Time. The world race is two months away. I only have 9 weekends here before I am gone. Two of those weekends I am going to be at training camp. This means that I only have 7 weekends here in which I can do any sort of fundraising or spending time with my family and friends before I leave. One of those weekends is in two days…. then I will only have 6. 
My graph is getting cut short by a vertical line called time. 
And yet my to do list keeps growing, and I keep expecting myself to reach that impossible asymptote. 

book art gallery
arrange house concert
print and hand out invitations for my gallery opening (two weeks two late)
get tent

I am on the verge of being overwhelmed. it feels like I am on the edge of a cliff in the middle of the night, I can't see the bottom and yet I have to jump. God is telling me to jump. 

I have always been a perfectionist. things will have to be perfect! I have to reach my asymptote before I can leave. I have to have all the things on my to do list done before I can even consider leaping off that cliff. 

I HAVE to 

design T-shirts for the race
arrange my yard sale to sell the majority of my stuff
figure out if i want to bring my laptop or buy an Ipad
find out what to do about my apartment july and aug

God on the other side has a plan. He has never asked me to have this huge list done before I leave. I put that list on myself. God's request is simple.

In Matthew 16:24 Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me."
Then in Matthew 4:20 it says At once they left their nets and followed him.
And in Luke 5:11 it says So they pulled their boats up on shore, left everything and followed him.

It doesn't say "they did a bunch of fundraisers, and then they did this and then did that, and finished their to do list, and then finally they followed Jesus"

No.

It says they dropped Everything and Immediately followed him. 

I am letting myself get so caught up and overwhelmed and stressed out by my own to do list, I am so busy looking off the edge of that cliff, that I am forgetting that God has everything already figured out. I am letting myself feel like I will never be able to reach that end goal, that I will always have something else to do, and that there is No possible way to get it all done.

The reality is simple. I can't get everything done. It's impossible. I can't do it. GOD however doesn't ask me to have it done. He just asks me to follow him. 

God's graph for my life is a simple y=x+1 equation that will cross any line that it will ever come to. there is no asymptote with a y=x graph. there are no Impossible goals, or unreachable points. I put those in my own life, not God. God never gave me an impossible asymptote, I gave that to myself.

God already has Everything worked out. He knows exactly what is at the bottom of my cliff, and the exact way he is going to get me through everything. I need to stop focussing on my to do list, stop giving myself asymptotes, and impossible goals, and drop everything and follow God. 
God is telling me to trust Him and jump off that cliff, and I need to stop telling him "just wait until I get this done" and just JUMP!