Hey All,
As many of you know I just recently got back from a 10 day (10/15-10/25) training camp for the WR in Gainesville, Georgia. In my previous blog I mentioned some of the things that we experienced while at training camp, but in this one I want to focus on two things I learned during training camp and some pictures as well.
Training camp, was 10 days of emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual exhaustion. Not in a bad way by any means, but it really stretched all of us to see what we could do and be capable of. However, TC was also full of bonding, getting to know one another, getting to know yourself better, and getting to know God better.
#1. Satan Tried But Failed…God never gives you more than you can handle
My TC experience started off a little different then everyone else’s. I almost didn’t even make to be honest. I flew into Atlanta, GA, a day early to meet some of my fellow squad members. After meeting Bethany, Ethan and Eric at the airport we drove to Gainesville where we met Eric’s brother, dropped off our stuff for the night and then headed out to get dinner. After a night in town, Walmart, pizza getting to know one another we headed back to Eric’s brothers house where I got a phone call from one of my adopted sisters. I ignored the call the first couple times thinking, why is she calling me, she knows I’m unavailable, so I texted Jessica back and asked what’s up, and she asked if she could call; I knew then something was wrong. So I stepped outside and called Jessica, and she told me that Calvin (Her brother, a young man I consider to be my brother) had been life-flighted to a nearby hospital after going unresponsive at football practice….long story short, he was life-flighted a second time to Seattle where he underwent emergency brain surgery. My first thought was why now God, why when I’m 3000miles from home and from my family is this happening; second thought was I wonder how much it would cost to fly home right now. After much praying and thought that night, and talking to Ethan, Bethany and Eric about what had happened, I realized that God had me right where he wanted me, and that Calvin wouldn’t have been too happy with me if I had missed TC and had to postpone my trip. It took a lot of prayer, to realize I had to be okay with whatever happened and that if God took Calvin from us that night, that he had a reason and a plan, and before I was able to fall asleep that night I had to tell God that I was okay with whatever happened because I knew my little brother and I knew that if God took him, that he’d be alright (It was probably one of the hardest prayers I’ve ever had to pray before).
Above: Calvin and Me at Grad in June
I got to camp the next afternoon, and was still freaking out about Calvin, and apologized to my squad saying that I may be a little bit more introverted then normal throughout the week. I wasn’t sure how they’d react, they’d just met me and I was going through something that I normally wouldn’t have told anyone about, and yet they were all great. They made sure throughout the week to ask how he was doing, if I’d gotten any news, etc…and they prayed for him every day. I can remember when I got the news that he’d woken up and I told them, a lot of them were just as excited as I was and they’d never even met him, and it made me feel like I’d made the right decision about staying for camp.
The entire time I kept asking God why he was allowing this to happen and then it dawned on me one day, he wasn’t trying to stop me from going on the WR. He wasn’t allowing it, Satan was messing with me and he failed, because even though Satan doesn’t want me to go out to spread the word of God, I’m going too. Honestly, even if I wasn’t going on the WR in January, I’d be sharing God to people back home…after all I do help run Youth Group at my church. Satan can try all he wants, he can make me feel unworthy, unlovable, like I’m not good enough, he can mess with me all he wants, but I’ve got God on my side and with Him on my side I can do all things. So Satan can try but he’s going to fail.
The thing I learned at TC through Calvin and everything that went on back home while I was gone, was that life will go on while we’re overseas. That I won’t be able to control everything, and even though I can’t be there for everything, that people care enough about me to make sure I know what’s going on even if I’m not there. I don’t have to try to fix everything (read #2) and I can trust God to make sure that I’m not given more than I can handle, and that he’s got a plan, even if I don’t always understand it.
“No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it” (1 Corinthians 10:13 ESV).
#2. I don’t always have to be the strong protector.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve always had this thing where I don’t do emotions; or rather, I don’t do them well. I would rather let people think I’m OK or FINE than I’m hurting, upset, sad, scared, etc… Often I usually find that when I do release emotions, when I freak out, get mad, upset, scared, lonely, cry, etc…its usually not about or at the thing/person that it should be at but rather the most insignificant thing going on in my life at the moment.
My friend Jonathan has been telling me for years that I need to learn to deal with them, that it would make having relationships with other people easier, that life would be better if I just learned to deal with my emotions, and yet though I kept telling him I would try I just never could.
During TC we talked about forgiveness, shame, guilt, etc…we talked about a lot of things, but it wasn’t until the men were gone on their “man hike” and us women were having our Women’s Retreat back at camp that things begin to click for me….okay well to be honest it actually started the day we talked about pain, emotion and loss, and somewhere along the way some things begin to click…and in my journal I wrote a letter to God, and here is a piece of it…
“…So thank you God. You are the only one who can take a broken person and make them whole again. God make me learn to deal with my emotions. I know people like Jonathan have been trying for years and I’ve been fighting it but I don’t want to fight it anymore. I want to learn to deal with them. I want to learn to live with them.”
I remember writing this not thinking much of it, and then we had Women’s Retreat where we talked a lot about shame and guilt, and more emotional stuff. It was a long two days of “the feels” and emotional exhaustion because not just I but a lot of people were dealing with stuff we didn’t realize we hadn’t dealt with before, or that we had never fully dealt with.
During one of the sessions the lady up front was talking and next thing I know I can feel tears running down my face, my first thought was Wow I yawned to big…then I was like crap nope, I’m crying. One thing led to another and we were soon released to go have solo time and I took my notebook out with me and between crying and talking to God, and journaling I realized something. I realized that a lot of what I’ve done or haven’t done in my life has to do with protecting people; protecting them from getting hurt by other people, protecting them from the truth, etc…as I logged all these occasions in my journal about shame, guilt, forgiveness, life stuff, I finally came to a point where I wrote, “My life wasn’t meant to be [the] protector. It wasn’t meant to be sacrificed [for someone else]. God has bigger plans than that…”
It was in that moment that I realized that God loves me for me, that he has plans for my life, that it’s okay for me to feel, to be vulnerable, to need help, to be needed, but to know that is okay to say no. God helped me realize at TC that I don’t always have to be the strong protector, that he has plans for me.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths” (Proverbs 3:5-6 ESV).
#3. Pics from TC
Above: Worship Night: Photo Credit: Anna Lauren Meeks
Photo Credit: Anna Lauren Meeks Above: Team Brave Hearts: Back Row: Erin H. Rachel and Shannon , Front Row: Jillian, Kate, Me…Photo Credit: Kate Campbell
Above: D-Squad Photo Credit: Anna Lauren Meeks
Photo Credit: Anna Lauren Meeks Photo Credit: Anna Lauren Meeks
Okay, everyone so there you have it…there is some of what I learned from camp and a few photos to go along with it. If you have any questions about actual field scenarios, types of food we ate or just anything in general about training camp feel free to ask. If I tried writing about everything we did or I learned I could write another ten blogs and still not cover everything.
—Dee Dee—
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Quick Update:
I am currently sitting at about 34%funded. I still need to raise a little over $4000 by December 18th in order to launch with my team Brave Hearts and our squad in January. I can’t imagine not going with them now that I’ve spent ten amazing days growing with them. If you would like to donate click the support me button on the blog and its an easy process from them. Remember all donations made online through my blog are tax deductible.
My next fundraiser will be on November 15th at East Salem SDA church in Salem, Oregon where my sister will be hosting a musical/worship vespers. Feel free to come out and join us for worship, and don’t feel like you have to donate. All donations will go towards my World Race mission trip. This will also most likely be my last chance to say goodbye to m Salem people, so if for no other reason stop by to say goodbye.
