10/17/16
A/N: This one is kind of a long one…:)
So as most people who have been following my journey this year know, I will be home (well…back in Oregon that is) in 5 weeks from today (10/17), and back in La Grande, in about 6 weeks. I can’t wait to see you all back home, and for those following my journey who aren’t there, thank you for doing so.
I’ve had a lot of questions about what’s next, I thought I’d let you guys in on my thought process of why I’m doing what I’m doing next.
What’s Next and some of the Why behind it?
So this answer could be a very simplistic one…I’m moving back to La Grande, OR…and I’m going back to school…and I could leave it at that, but I don’t want to; because in all honesty that would not be a complete answer.
So yes, I am moving back to La Grande in 6 weeks; yes, I will be returning to my previous job, at least for a while; and yes I’ll be returning to College to get another degree…Why? Didn’t it take you nine years to get your first degree in English? Why, yes that is true. I did graduate in June 2015 with a bachelor’s degree in English Lit. and a minor in Business Marketing; however, the more I’ve traveled this year, the more I’ve discovered that as much as I love English and that I could teach English; it’s not what I want to do with my life, nor is it what I have a passion for. I’ve discovered that my passion lies within kids…especially teens and young adults.
But more so that just wanting to work with them…I want to be there for children, teens, young college age students. The more I’ve traveled the more I’ve realized just how broken our world is, and how lost children and teens (children being defined as younger than 12); some of my most memorable moments this year, are hearing Fernando tell us in Mozambique that he wants to go to the States to be a pastor someday; walking down the streets in Balaka, Malawi singing You Are My Sunshine while holding hands with the children; playing with the orphans in Zambia; Hanging out and adopting Nina as our little sister in the Philippines; to teaching one of the orphans in Thailand how to do a basic box step dance; to playing a little guitar for the kids of Lighthouse in Cambodia; Loving on Sebastian and Luis all month in Colombia; to just holding Alex and getting him to smile in Ecuador and taking my off day to spend with the girl in Vascya, Ecuador instead of going into town to get Wi-Fi; to teaching the kids in the mountains of Peru the story of David and Goliath; to this month in Chile hanging out at Grace College and loving on the pre-K to 3rd graders twice a week for three weeks; and so much more…I’ve only named just a few.
My World Race has had me spending a lot of time with children this year in some way or another; and at first I wondered why? Why did God send me out on a year-long mission trip to spend a year doing basically what I do at home, working with the youth; while yes its true I’ve gotten to be involved in other types of ministry as well, such as: construction, manual labor, preaching, praying for healing, leading small groups, leading a group discussion on youth-group ministry and leadership (again related to kids), street evangelism, drug and alcohol rehab, prison ministry and so much more; a large part of this year has been about children and youth ministry for me. But the more I’ve thought about it over the last few months, the more I’ve realized God has put me in these types of ministry opportunities to remind me just how much I have a passion and a desire to be there for children and for youth, and how much he wants me to work with kids for the rest of my life.
True I could use the degree I already have, go back to school get my master’s in Education and call it good and teach…but that’s not what I feel God is calling me to. As we were saying goodbye to our kids in Colombia, as Sebastian came back on that last day to hang out with me…ME….I realized what it is what I wanted to do with the rest of my life, I realized what God had been calling me to…God is calling me to focus my life on the lost and broken of the United States…He took me on a yearlong trip away from home, away from my youth ministry, away from my friends and family, to put me right back there…to show me how broken the whole world is…but especially how broken the United States is.
So I’m coming back to La Grande in a few weeks…I’m going back to college to get a Bachelors Degree in Social Work with a minor in Psychology (focusing on drug and alcohol rehab), with plans than to go on in get my Masters in Social Work. I plan to start out at EOU for Winter and Spring 2017 then transfer to Liberty University online to do the remainder of my degree; I feel that for psychology minor sake it’s important to do it from a Christian university.
ABOVE: Me and a little Guy in Cajamarca, PERU…as my Instagram said “My Passion Lies within His Eyes”
So what do I want to do with this new found degree and passion and why???
Well, I want to eventually open up my own youth center for at-risk youth, for teens who have been lost or broken; that society says they’re too far gone to be saved. I don’t believe anyone, especially a child can be too far gone to be saved; I firmly believe that each of us are born for a purpose and that sometimes we get lost along the way, but it takes someone to help us find our way back…I know I DID. I want to be a generation changer; but I want to do it by helping the next generation find their worth, find their value, find who they are and help them become Generation Changers.
The more I travel around the world, the more I realize just how broken it is and how broken our own country; and while I think saving kids/youth from around the world from that brokenness is important too; I firmly believe that God is calling me back to the States to start there, to start being there for our kids our youth.
When I think about my own past, my story; I look back on the last 15-20 years and I realize just how far off the main path I went; how lost I got…I think about how I got back on this path that God had planned for me, how I got back to the realization of what it is that God is calling me too…I realize that if it wasn’t for very particular people in my life, I wouldn’t be here right now…if it wasn’t for the people that God put in my life…I wouldn’t have graduated College in 2015 (heck I probably wouldn’t have gone at all)…I wouldn’t be in church, I would probably still be doing drugs and binge drinking; I’d probably still be a very angry woman, and I definitely would not have done the World Race this year…
Most people know my story, so I don’t need to go in major details right now, (if you have any questions just email me or Facebook me) but I want to put out some examples from my own life, that has led me to where I am, as to part of why I’m doing what I’m doing next. K
I grew up in a single parent house, my dad lived on the other side of the country and when he was around he tried, but more often than not he wasn’t around and often I’d forget I’d even have one…along the way I’d just forgotten what it was like to have a male role-model in my life…Jo got sick when she was young, and without meaning to I just slowly slid to the back burner, I was always the kid who was okay, who could figure things out, and I just kind of started to do my own thing and be my own person….along the way as a way to deal with my dad not being around, to deal with not being noticed, to just not have to deal with my pain and my feelings I started skipping school, I got to be a very angry kid, and I started smoking, popping prescription drugs and drinking to the point I was addicted and I just didn’t care about life in general…let alone mine. I didn’t have any self-confidence, self-value, self-worth…the words I love you stopped meaning anything to me, because I wasn’t sure I even knew what they meant anymore…and most importantly I got angry with God and just told him, that I knew he was there but I didn’t care, and I didn’t think I could “do him” right now and that I’d be walking away for a while, but like everything else in my life I’d be back on my own time….and so I walked away…
However, somewhere along the journey of my life God started putting people in my path to point me back in the right direction. When I was seventeen years old, I met Jonathan and Jaci Russell (He was the Youth Pastor of my Mom’s Church and she was his wife) and for the first time in a long time, I felt like someone cared…don’t get me wrong my Mom cared (I know that); but for the first time in a long time I felt like someone noticed me for me, and wanted to be there for me…but to be honest I didn’t think they’d stick around, I didn’t think that they’d honestly be a part of my life in ten years, and truth be told I put them through the wringer…I can’t count how many times I sent Jonathan random drunken Facebook messages…and questioned whether they’d be around or not…but they have been. My senior year of high school when I decided to accept Christ and be baptized, there were days when I’d be with Jonathan and instead of doing studies for baptismal class, he’d have me do homework, just to make sure I’d graduate high school on time. In all honesty if it wasn’t for him I don’t know that I’d have graduated high school…over the last 10 almost 11 years, they’ve been there for me. Whenever I’m in town and want to grab a cup of coffee they’re there, Jonathon always seems to make time for me in my schedule…and I appreciate him so much for that. THANK YOU JONATHON.
The next major people to come along in my life and be there for me are Mike and Kelly Martin and their family. I’ve mentioned them before in my blog, often referring to them as Pops and Mom….and that’s because that’s what they are…Along the way over the last 5 almost 6 years they just warmed their ways into my heart, and at first I’d question whether I was just a burden or if they really wanted me there….but I’ve come to realize they do…that I’m a part of their family…Pops asks what’s next, challenges me to pray about what God wants me to do with my life; tells me not to use things like alcohol as a way to escape…they’ve given me shelter when I needed it, food to feed my belly J, a safe place to call home, and I can honestly say without them I would not be Clean from Alcohol and Drugs today, and I wouldn’t have stopped smoking, and I wouldn’t be as actively involved in church as I am today or about to finish up the World Race in a few weeks.
I tell the stories of these two couples for one reason…to show how one person can affect another, and if I can be that person for just one child, for one youth…then I will have succeeded. Someday I will have kids of my own, I don’t know if they will be biological or if they’re be foster/adopted, but I will have them…but in the mean time I just want to help kids, I just want to be there for them. This is what I feel God is calling me to do…to be a protector a caregiver for the lost and broken children. I remember what that’s like, to be that lost and broken child and if I can be there for one child, with a past like mine; to help them realize much earlier on they are loved, they are worthy, they are Worth It; if I can be there for just one child in my life time, then I know I will have succeeded in God’s calling for me.
So there you go…I’m headed back to La Grande in a few short weeks, I’m moving home, going back to work, starting school back up; it’s all the first steps to the bigger goal, the bigger next phase, the bigger dream; to eventually open my own at-risk youth center for kids who are lost and broken; it’s the first step to doing what I know God is calling me to do.
That being said, I am excited to come home. I’m excited to be back in Oregon in less than 5 weeks and to be back in La Grande in less than 6. Just be warned though…I am not the same person I was when I left. I am not the same girl who ate fast food three meals a day because she didn’t want to cook, or who only opened her Bible on Sundays, or lived in my apartment only to come out for work, church and youth group…I am not the same person who looked at salads with disgust, or never drank water…I am not the same person who left and I’m NOT SORRY that I’m not the same person. I’ve grown this year, changed in so many ways. PLEASE be patient with me as I try to figure this new me out in our world….
————————————————————————————————-
TO MY WORLD: My Friends, Family and Youth Kids,
I love you all. I have missed you all this year. Please forgive me as I come back into the states and need some time to readjust to the States. Please forgive me if I don’t answer my phone or reply to a text, the only time my phone has worked in the last 11 months is if I was on WiFi. Forgive me if I ask if the water is clean enough to drink; I’ve been drinking nothing but Bottled Water this year for fear of parasites and icky-ness, so forgive me as I readjust to being able to drink Tap water.
To My World….please forgive me if I look at the Rice, Bread or Peanut Butter that you may serve me with a face of ick…I’ve eaten so much of those three things this year, that if I never see it again it will be too soon; but have no fear if you serve it I WILL eat it…I just may need some time without it…Forgive me if I don’t remember what personal space is…I’ve been living with no less than 5 other people 24/7 for the last 11 months and haven’t had any real personal space, or alone time…and for an introvert I’ve missed it so please forgive me if I ask for time alone, but also forgive me if it seems as if I can’t do anything on my own…Outside of going to the bathroom (which even at times was with a partner) I’ve done little on my own and have kind of forgotten what it’s like to do stuff by myself…(GO TO THE STORE ON MY OWN…IS THAT EVEN ALLOWED?
To My World…Forgive me if when you ask questions if I don’t know the answers…Favorite Moment of the Year? Favorite Ministry? Favorite Adventure? Least Favorites? How did you grow the most? I know these are all things I should have answers too…be patient, the answers will come, but I need time to process, I need time to figure out exactly what I’m feeling and thinking…So please be patient with me.
To My World… Please forgive me if you give me options to choose…Choices are not something I’m used to…I’ve been living off of food people provide, off of the same five outfit choices, I haven’t really had a whole lot of opportunity to make a lot of choices this year that affect me; and besides I was never a big decision maker; so please be patient with me as I start to make decisions again.
To My World… I LOVE YOU ALL. I have missed you all more than you could ever know this year. Forgive me if I didn’t stay as in contact with you as you would have liked. It’s been hard, so I’ve been very particular on who’ve I’ve talked to this year. But know this I do love you all.
To My World…You are my World. Your My Family, My Friends…I can’t wait to be home with you, and thank you. Thank you for supporting me this year in all ways, financially, spiritually and emotionally. THANK YOU. Thank you for being my world. Thank you in advance for your patience with me as I come home and readjust to life back in the states. I love you all so much.
Love,
Dee
