Comparison, God keeps working on me in that area. This month has been no different. As I’ve spent most of my time in an office preparing fliers, tracks, prayer cards, and cd’s to be handed out to the locals. I began comparing my task to that of other fellow racers and of course once you start playing the comparing game you are really tempting yourself to get jealous of what other people’s ministry is. I saw many pictures of people helping out with bees, gardening, kids ministry, widow ministry, the list goes on. I could get jealous and I was starting too. I was comparing my "mundane" job to the job God had given to the other racers and I was jealous. But thankfully God is a loving Father and He is very gentle when it comes to correcting His children.
My Heavenly Father showed me how when I volunteered for the office work my mouth said I would do whatever was needed, but my heart secretly wanted to please people and receive their affirmation. With that attitude it didn’t take but a few days for Satan to start telling me lies about how my ministry and service I was doing to God wasn’t as important as the other ministries. Grant it I was able to hide most of my frustrations and pretend I was a happy Christian doing my duty, but inside my heart was fighting jealousy. But thankfully the Holy Spirit lives inside of me and it wasn’t long before His voice started questioning my attitude. At first I tried to ignore it. But as you all know it’s really practically impossible to ignore the One you love and care about and the One who loves you.
I started asking myself the hard questions of why my attitude inside had been not pleasing to my Heavenly Father. He showed me the trap I fell into of playing the comparison game and how it lead to a jealous spirit and He showed me how because of all of those actions I had started placing people’s praise and recognition above that of my Heavenly Father’s. God has since showed me the value in the office work and how I can praise, worship and honor Him by doing the best I can at it and having a good attitude about it. Because of it my Father blessed me with two opportunities to hand out tracks and take surveys to the locals. As we trudged along through these villages we prayed for the house and the people living in them, as Pastor Raul (our ministry contact for this month) pointed out that may be the only time someone prays for them in their life time. We prayed whatever God laid on our hearts. Mostly we prayed that God would prepare their hearts to hear the word of God and that they would hunger for Him. We also prayed that God would call people and they would hear His call and come to Draganesti and be missionaries and serve God by serving the people of Romania. During that time I was humbled and excited to be able to pray for an older lady who had some health issues, talking about a major step out of my comfort zone. But it was beautiful and nerve wrecking at the same time. I’m definitely new at this but I’m excited to see what all God is going to grow and teach me inn these coming months, even if it’s just glorifying Him with office ministry. My job is to just say yes to my Father and to trust Him. God's job is to show me my tasks and to work through me as I empty myself out.
God has continued to work on my attitude but I must say office work has a whole different look to it now and by God’s grace so will all the other ministries I will be doing. It is kind of embarrassing writing it down. I still am in need of my Heavenly Father’s tender corrections over this issue. He’s been showing me for a while now and I guess I kind of slacked off this month. But I must say I am ever thankful for His willingness, patience, grace, and mercy with me in this situation and so many others.
I end this blog by asking you to please continue to pray for me. Prayer does make a difference and I need lots of it. Pray I don’t shun away from things God asks me to do that are way out of my comfort zone. Pray that I will continue to empty myself out to my Heavenly Father so He can continue to grow and make me the person He intended me to be and pray whatever God lays on your heart.Thank you all for your prayers and support sorry this blog has been so long in coming. God bless.
