I want to dedicate this blog to my Heavenly Father. He’s not only saved me spiritually but He’s saved me physically time and time again. This blog is about Him and what He’s brought me through.
I came to know my Father (God) when I was very young. I was 4 or 5. Once I came to know Jesus as my Father, Satan went straight to work on separating me from my Father. Let me tell you Satan is no respecter of age. He just wanted to destroy me and my growing relationship with my Father. Satan almost one but thanks to my Father Satan lost that battle. =) You don’t mess with me, because my Father is bigger than you. =)
One way Satan tried to destroy my relationship and walk with my Father was with abuse. When I was a young child I was taken advantage of off and on for an extended period of time. The whole time Satan was trying to destroy me though God was there fighting for me. I see that now. Oh how great is His love for His children. During the abuse God gave me the courage to confront my abuser 2 times and try to end it. You may say that means I’m a strong person. But I know that means my Father is a strong God and He gave me that strength those times. The abuse eventually ended and with that you would think freedom was just around the corner. But alas Satan had just begun to do his work with the abuse. I couldn’t talk about what happened to me for years. Because of that the emotions, anger, pain, hurt, confusion, self-condemnation, self-blame, shame and so many other issues just festered and grew into giant huge monsters. I had become so messed up during that point in my life that I even turned my back on the one who was fighting for me this whole time, my Father- Jesus. Those were dark years of my life. I struggled with suicide and wanting to end other people’s lives that I loved because I was just mad at the whole world. It hurt me to think how close I came some times to doing those things. But I have to tell you something. I might of turned my back on my Father those years but He never once turned His back on me. My Lord kept fighting for me those years and He finally broke through and I let Him back in to my life. I had to let Him back in, I was desperate and broken and it was either my Father or the alternative.
Since that decision to let my Father back into my life He's been knocking down many walls I've built to try to protect myself and not let anybody in. But now I've been able to once again receive His amazing love with no shame or disgrace. My Father has been healing and stitching my heart back together again. How tender He is. Even more amazing is my Father has shown me what grace and forgiveness are and because of that and the strength He's given me I've been able to forgive my abuser. This new road I've been traveling is not by no means easy. But I can say it has definitely been 100% worth it. Satan keeps trying to damage and destroy my relationship with my Father, Jesus. Satan almost got a foot hold again in my life when I lost my mom to cancer five years ago. Once again like He's done so many times before my Father was there pulling me out of the mess I'd gotten myself into and loving me back into His embrace.
I’m writing this blog so you may know what an amazing and gracious and loving Lord/Savior Jesus Christ is. I’m also writing these blogs to those who have also endured abuse. I want them to know they are worth fighting for and you may feel alone in your struggle but you don’t have to be. Jesus would gladly fight for you, with you and He loves you. My Father has wiped all shame from my face and replaced it with a new confidence. A confidence that comes from being His daughter and knowing how much He loves me. He’s washed my tear stained face and given me an inner joy for life and living. I didn’t want to die when I was young because I knew I hadn’t yet lived but I was also terrified to live any longer because I thought it wouldn’t be worth it. Now I can't wait to live and grow in my walk with my Heavenly Father. I hope some day to have the same attitude the apostle Paul had in Philippians 1:21 "For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain". He’s so tender, gentle and patient when He's teaching you and helping you grow. He’s the best Counselor there is and ever will be. He doesn’t guilt you or pressures you to work through your issues and to let Him in. He simply asks and waits as long as He needs to till you open the door for Him. I can’t even begin to dent the things He’s done for me. He’s made me His daughter though and that’s more than enough. What an amazing Father I have.
My Father has brought me through so much and now He’s asked me to do this World Race Mission trip for Him. Quite honestly I couldn’t say no and I’m excited to be a part of trying to share His love to others so maybe you or someone else will also get to experience the love, joy, and healing that only Jesus Christ can bring. While I’m very excited about this journey my Father has called me to I know there are many hardships and trials to face as well some of which I’ve already gone through. So please remember to pray first and for most for me to be a reflection of my Father on this journey. That when other’s see me they automatically know who my Father is or they want to get to know Him, and that I will give everything to my Father and rest fully in His strength. Also please pray for funds to continue to come in. I'm still short on cash to be fully funded on this trip and I still need money for supplies and for some travel and medical bills. So please pray for me thank you and God bless you.
