At the 6 month mark, the question is inevitable: “So what are your plans for after the race?” (Please, please, please do not ask a racer this stress-and-panic-inducing question ever.) The first time someone asked me this question, I had not even been to training camp.
Upon saying yes to the World Race, I remember thinking to myself: “Finally! I will find the place I belong!” I was using the Race to determine the Lord’s plan for my life: missions or teaching – a life abroad or a life in the States. Two roads – one choice. Almost immediately, people began saying: “You are going to fall in love with Africa and never want to leave. It will feel like home.” I set up an expectation that The Lord would clearly show me the one place I should plant my roots. Immediately, I would know what was next in my life.
I have now been in Africa approximately 3 days, and I can tell you I have fallen in love – but I can also admit this does not feel like my home. I am incredibly excited for the ministry we are going to do. I love laughing, singing, and sharing the love of Christ with the children here. I love the sweet smiles of the widows as we share our testimonies with them. I love the way the Spirit is alive and oh so present in the church here. I love the people here and I love God’s heart for His children in this place. But I can list these things about nearly every country to which I have traveled, and that feeling of “unquestionable belonging” is not in any of them. The Lord has not told me one place I can go. He has not told me Africa is the next place for me. I am not going to put God in a box and say this will not happen sometime over the next 6 months – but I am also not going to put Him in a box and say it has to.
However, The Lord has not been silent. In fact, He has been speaking to me about this pretty consistently for the past several months. At first I was not listening well, because the stream of conversation was so unexpected.
In Bulgaria, while wrestling with leaving a place I loved so dearly (El Salvy), I had a vision. I was walking in a wooded area, and suddenly I could see several paths very clearly in front of me. Each of these roads involved a choice for “what’s next” in my life. Along every path, I could watch part of my life play out. Some centered around places, some around careers, and some around people. In this moment, The Lord said, “Deborah, none of these paths are bad. You cannot choose incorrectly because each of these will bring glory to my name and people to my kingdom. But lay all of these paths at my feet, and let me show you which ones are better for you.” One path, The Lord painfully (but peacefully) closed immediately. Another, He said “Wait, not yet,” so I (somewhat) patiently endure, giving it to Him daily. Others, I still do not fully understand.
The only plan that He put heavily on my heart and mind to pursue in this moment (besides my current walk in relationship and foundation with Him) and immediately after the Race, was my school loans. Paying off the $30,000 worth of debt is something that has been coming up since month one. I know this is the Lord’s will, so that when other paths do open, I can walk down them freely. I do not know what paying off debt looks like. Maybe it looks like a mysterious donor writing me a large personal check (hey, God is crazy sometimes) or maybe it means going back to the States for a time.
I now know there is NO SHAME in that.
I believed that going on the race would show me that missions was the life for me. It has. But it has also shown me that missions is not just international – it is a life that happens anywhere and everywhere. I should not plant my roots in a place, but in the love of Jesus. Missions and travel will be a part of my life. I am excited about the fact that I have NO idea what that will look like or mean. Maybe it will be for a season or interspersed throughout my years. Perhaps I will have a dream career involving traveling, teaching, discipleship, and ministry. And maybe I’ll have a life in the States, living the missionary lifestyle that God has called each of us to walk in wherever we may be. None of these roads are bad. In fact, they are all incredibly good.
“Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And I took the one less traveled by.”
Well, no offense Robert Frost, but there are significantly more than two roads in the wood I am wandering. And instead of taking the one less traveled, I am going to lay them all on the altar of Jesus. They are in His trustworthy hands, and He will eliminate some as necessary. But I also know that He will show me the greater paths, even revealing new ones. Each path will be established by Him, end in Him, and will require me to walk with Him. The roads He provides for me to choose from will all give me a life of joy that continually brings glory and honor to Him.
“Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established…
The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps. “
(Proverbs 16:3, 9 ESV)
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”
(Proverbs 3:5, 6 ESV)
