“You roll your dice. You move your mice. Mousetrap.”
Is this how you view life, sometimes? I know I did – and still do quite often. Whenever things in life seem to be going well, or even just going, I am constantly on the lookout for the other shoe to drop. I move forward cautiously, space by space, convinced that at any second I will hear the rickety crashing of the basket plummeting to trap me.
The first few weeks of Bulgaria, I was playing mousetrap. It started with the first roll, when I landed on the Doots. The Doots, or Deep Roots, is my new team. After fighting so hard for my first team, I expected to have an uphill battle to get to know and trust this new family. The three other girls came from the same team – a terrifying “obstacle” I imagined. However, from the very first night in Bulgaria, it was easy. This started as more than a team, but a group of friends. Ministering together went well. Living together did not have any major hiccups. Conversation came easy and a level of trust simply existed. I did not need to wait to be accepted because we all just were. We are, and were, a team.
But I did not rest in this or enjoy it. Instead, I waited for the basket to fall. Something had to go wrong, soon enough.
On my next move, I approached ministry. This month, we are living with a pastor and his family. We sleep until 8 or 9, have hot water and a full range of appliances, eat incredibly well, and our ministry has looked more like making friends than anything else. We go to movies with refugees and play Monopoly at boys’ homes.
So I look to the sky, waiting for the shoe to drop or the trap to trigger. Certainly, we must be doing ministry incorrectly. Surely, we are missing opportunities. Jesus must be watching, waiting to rebuke us.
The worst part of this whole game was I did not realize I was playing. It comes so naturally, sneaking up out of my past anxieties and fears. It was not Jesus standing over me, rolling dice and moving pieces, but Satan taking advantage of my weakness. While discussing these anxieties with a teammate, the realization that I was participating in a foolish and dangerous game hit me – well – like the shoe dropping. However, it was not a rebuke or a punishment, just a gentle reminder.
“Stop looking for the trap in my blessings.”
There is no basket. There is no shoe. There is no trap.
Doots is a safe place of relaxation. The relationships, home-cooked meals, and trips around town are ministering to other and myself. God simply wants to bless me, and I try to take it away.
I look back in my life and realize I have wasted an exorbitant amount of time playing Mousetrap, but it was never God’s game. He does not play games. He is not testing us, just waiting in twisted pleasure for us to fail. God wants us to succeed. He wants to give us rest. He wants us to enjoy green pastures and still waters. He simply wants us to walk daily in His presence and in His blessings.
So put down the dice. Stop looking for the trap.
It is not coming because it does not exist.
“Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn, your vindication like the noonday sun. Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him…”
Psalm 37:3-7a
