Everyone, meet Andrea.
Andrea is an absolutely gifted worship leader. She clearly has an anointing. When she leads worship, you are ushered directly into the throne room. I considered it an absolute honor to sing back up and harmony for her in the all-night worship service we participated in at the local church we are serving and attending. The Spirit was present that night in a tangible way. The pastor even requested we participate in the Sunday service.
Now, on this squad I have become known as “the girl who is always singing” or “the walking musical” (sorry C-Squad). My fellow squadmates may be surprised to know that prior to the Race, my singing was reserved solely for the shower and the car. Singing in front of people? On stage? With a microphone? Never. Absolutely not. So when I successfully helped lead worship…with a microphone and everything… I was ecstatic! Finally, with the encouragement and teaching of several of my squadmates, The Lord had given me the boldness to use my gifts and talents for Him. Though the night began with nerves, chaos, and confusion, it turned out beautifully (and I did not throw up!). I was not even incredibly anxious about the service on Sunday or the one song Andrea had asked me to lead.
But then Sunday morning came and Andrea was sick. All of a sudden, there was no more worship leader, and the job fell on the shoulders of Kelsey, Jacob, and myself. Trying to amp myself up, I thought this must be the Holy Spirit stretching my talents. The Lord never fails me. I cannot only rely on Andrea (or any other worship leader on my team) when worship is asked of us. The Lord never fails me. This was for God and His glory, not for us or these people. The Lord never fails me. So with a lot of prayer, the never-ceasing feeling that I was going to pass out, and very little preparation, we took the “stage” in front of a very full church.
I would love to say a miracle took place and the service went flawlessly (it did not).
I would love to say people were so moved by the Spirit that they were falling down in worship (they were not… But many did decide to sit down).
I would love to say I walked away feeling emboldened and encouraged (I did not, rather humbled and humiliated).
I would love to say that the enemy could not use this moment to whisper lies of failure, comparison, and shame (but he did…and I foolishly listened).
We stood before the church and did the best we could. Kelsey did an amazing job playing guitar, an instrument she has only known for a few months. However, the piano player was playing in a different key and tempo (in his defense, we had not even gotten to speak to him before service). I sang somewhere in between, in a key never before heard by man. Jacob, ever reliable, kept pushing us forward, singing with me and harmonizing where possible. Heather kept a steady beat on drums, despite the fact that there were four other rhythms happening. It was a cluster. It was painful. And upon looking out into the crowd, I wanted to drop the increasingly heavy mic and walk away.
At the end of our time of worship, I practically ran out the backdoor to where Caitlin was working with the children. She asked me how it went, and all I could do was cry. And she encouraged me. She was the first of many of my gracious teammates to encourage us. And as I sat on the ground, with a little boy in my lap (who peed on me, by the way), God changed my heart.
We stood before GOD and did the best we could. Kelsey did an amazing job on guitar, never giving up. The piano player made every single effort to play our set. I sang a new song (or key) for The Lord, and only for Him – not the people around me. Jacob was steadfast and comforting. Heather played her heart out for her King. It was a joyful noise to The Lord. It was an act of obedience to Him. It was glorifying to His name. And just as I rocked that little boy in my arms, He was rocking me, saying, “Daughter, I am proud. Thank you for that beautiful song.”
We returned home to Andrea and I told her all about it. And she only had one thing to say, “You did what God asked you to do, and there is no place for shame in that.”
I did what The Lord asked me to do. I stood in front of a church of hundreds of people and led a worship service – albeit an interesting one – with a microphone and everything. For the people who were able to worship The Lord through (or despite) it, they were blessed. I was blessed. And my Lord NEVER fails me, so I know there will be growth and redemption. I did not drop the mic and walk away. Someday soon, I will be back up there, microphone in hand, singing, with or without Andrea, a joyful noise to The Lord. And I will not be afraid, because it will be all and only for the obedience to and glory of my King.
