“Won’t you dance with me, oh lover of my soul,
to the song of all songs?
Romance me, oh lover of my soul,
to the song of all songs.”
– “Dance with Me,” Jesus Culture
In Guatemala, our squad mentor Hope played a song for us (I have no idea what song, at this point) and asked us to just listen to Jesus. I closed my eyes and opened my ears, ready to hear from God.
He didn’t say anything.
Instead, He showed me something.
I was sitting on a bench against a wall, middle-school dance style, which is completely appropriate because that is exactly where I was. Twinkling lights in a dim room, streamers and balloons, somewhat terrible music…it was all here. My dress was shabby and worn. Dirt was smeared on my face and my makeup ran from my tears. Most of the time I kept my head down, because whenever I looked up, men were simply passing me by. They were blurs, without faces or names or significance other than the damage they were doing to my identity and self-worth. Every face that walked by without caring or noticing was another rejection, another broken heart.
I never wanted to look up again, but I did one last time.
He was standing right there in front of me – staring. He radiated beauty and love. A lifetime of feeling overlooked and this man was looking directly into my eyes, through them even. He was seeing more of me than I had ever allowed anyone access. Though I was intimidated and ashamed, I didn’t dare to look away. He walked straight up to me, held out his hand, and we danced. Though I stumbled, He danced with perfect grace, and when I looked into His eyes of fire, I was transformed into something pure and beautiful and bright.
In this moment, Jesus taught me what it meant for Him to be my first love. He saw me. He loved me even when He saw the broken and real me. He chose to dance with me, knowing how clumsy I am, how many times I would trip, and how many times I would search the room for other partners. He danced me into His perfect, healing, pursuing love.
I cannot adequately explain to you exactly what God taught me in that ten minutes lying on the floor in Antigua, other than to say it radically altered my relationship with The Lord. It was the catalyst I’d needed for years. I knew, and more so felt the impact of, what it meant to be deeply and utterly loved and desired by the Lover of My Soul. I would listen to “Dance with Me” for weeks on repeat in relentless tears, overcome with the realization of His love and my worth in Him.
A few weeks ago, I downloaded “Lockstep” by Will Reagan and the United Pursuit Band.
Every time I hear it, I know one thing for sure. Nine months later, Jesus and I are dancing again, dancing still. I may not be the lonely, tattered girl from the dance anymore, but I still stumble. I still try to take the lead, even though I have only learned a few of the steps. I still flirt with the idea of other dance partners (not that He won’t let someone cut in at some point, but He will always be my first and best dance partner. I will, in a way, forever be ruined for the love of my future partner, because I have tasted the True Love of Christ. Though this new partner will know some of the steps, because he is currently learning them as well, he will never be the One who saw me first and taught me to dance).
I play the song again, and Jesus has my rapt attention. His love moves my soul to yearn for Him. I cling to this moment where I am lost in the gentle twirling motion of His dance, the firm yet careful nature of His steps, and the concentration that His eyes have for me alone. This song has become my passionate prayer – to be locked into perfect harmony with Jesus, knowing His heart and walking in the hope and joy He gives. As the grandiose piano-playing builds to the chorus, I can almost physically feel Him moving me purposefully and effortlessly around the room. When I surrender to His will, I do not even have to think about where me feet should go. His steps to are my steps. His heart is my heart. I am free of doubt and fear and anxiety. I want nothing but to live wrapped in His arms, spinning, laughing, living with my eyes locked on His. I am learning to dance … To really, truly, joyfully dance.
“Lockstep with my God and King,
Move in perfect harmony,
Feel the rhythms of His heart,
Know the joy that He imparts.
Hallelujah,
He is with me, I am not alone.
Your love is sweeter than honey.
Your love is stronger than death, God.
Your love lifts me of my burdens,
Teaches me to dance, to dance!”
