I need this year. I need to get unstuck from all of my bad habits and my insecurities. I need to let people know about God and how He loves.
Last year was pretty good. It started off with good friends and some of them have floated to other places, but I still love them. Let go of some of my fears. Learned how and when to stick it out and when to quit. I have re-evaluated my life many times and constantly have had to shuffle my priorities. I have closed some doors in my heart. I have opened different doors. And I have regressed a bit with some things. I have lay dormant with job progress. I have learned the soul stabbing pain that is surrender. I am starting to share more freely. I have slipped in things like cursing. I have struggled with image. I have learned not to pity myself. I am learning to give people grace without needing to excuse them logically, but just to extend grace unwarrantedly. I am learning that I have a lot of pride to let go. I have a lot of regrets and fears that have held me back in the past. I have also learned what it is to be in love. And songs begin to make sense. Scriptures about Love covering a multitude of sins apply.
I have seen beautiful things. I have looked out over mountains in the fall. I have picked apples in an orchard. I have danced. I have made melody in my heart. I have seen many babies. I have held new kittens. I have watched some of my closest friends find their story in God’s. I have watched a room full of people come alive in the Spirit on numerous occasions. I have walked the streets of my city and carried the Lord with me. (or is He carrying me?) I have seen walls crumble down. Walls of addiction. Of comfort. Of stuck. Of pain.
I have seen tragic things. The loss of a baby. Good people falling away to idle sins. Hurt lives becoming reclusive and destructive. Anger. Greed. Lust. Grey areas. Pride. Wicked landlords. Pet deaths. Leading people on. … the list continues. And it is a reminder that we live in a fallen world. Even within the church, we desperately need Jesus.
And I get a little frustrated when I have to tell people that I am not exactly sure how the World Race will unfold country to country. Or that I have no definite future plans after the Race. I have been floating for so long, scared to commit to something that I might regret, I end up committing to nothing and not really going anywhere with my life.
So this year, this new start, I plan to be more deliberate. To say things that need to be said. To chart out a course of action. Through Jesus, to be the change that I wish to see in the world. To not quit when life is not as fun or as clear as it once was. To minister life to the dying world. And to know that God gives to others through me. He created me like a stained glass window in which other people can view the world a certain way and that no other is quite like me and their world will not look quite like mine and that that is okay. To bury hatchets. To bury pride. To grow out of prejudices and learn to love continually and first. I declare this a good year! Welcome 2014!!
