Going into training camp I was young, impressionable and prissy, I left a wise and hardened soldier….hahahahahaha none of that is true. However, I will say it was top five one of the hardest things I have ever done, but also one of the top five greatest and exciting things I have ever done. Here’s a breakdown for you ,
Arriving was awkwardly meeting all the people I had been talking to online for the past eight months and hugging them in real life, think online dating…but with 36 people, and you already love them so much and you don’t know what to do with all your feelings. So like online dating…. but on steroids .
It was a little bit weird for a few days, living in such close quarters to the point that I could the feel body heat of the person in the tent next to me if I slept a certain way. It was a constant mental tug of war knowing that” okay Deb, these are the people you are going to spend the next year doing life with, ministry with, being sick with, crying with, fighting with and loving for the next year and rest of your life, be open and raw and vulnerable.” But then the other side screaming in my ear “DON’T TELL THEM ANYTHING THEY WONT ACCEPT YOU AND YOU DON’T WANT TO SCREW THIS UP MAN!” obviously one voice was Satan trying to convince me that I was alone , not valuable, and not lovable. Which is so stupid because within the first 5 minutes of training camp I felt all those things as I met my leadership team, my coaches and mentor for the next year.
One cool thing however is that where the devil is ferociously trying to plant every lie in our minds is when the Lord is doing the most work . The past ten days I was able to completely step away from my “reality” and step into focusing my relationship with Christ, and my relationship with my new Fam. To say it was refreshing would be an understatement. Stepping out , to answer my call to abandon normal. To love radically, and to give up comfort. Training camp was prep for the next 11 months. I realized over the past ten days that this wasn’t just something nice I thought about at the end of bad days. Something I daydreamed about as I fell asleep, this was about to be my reality!
Reality would soon be defined by tent living, wearing the same three shirts over and over, making up sunday school lessons on the spot and being the minority as an English speaking person. At training camp that reality hit, and it was terrifying.
Over the course of the next few days people I was awkwardly brushing my teeth next to, exchanging unsure eye contact with became friends who I shared my story with. A life I was desperately unsure of beginning in the midst of bucket showers and rice noodles, became a life where I got excited over the luxury of a clean shirt and sleeping alone in my tent instead of sharing a tarp with 25 others, as fun as that was . Yes it was only ten days, yes culture shock will be real, yes I don’t know much of what I am doing yet. But I have so much peace now. At training camp I claimed my identity as a child of God as seen by him as not someone who teetering on the very edge of his grace and and avoiding eye contact because he may be disappointed . But as someone who is living in the freedom of his favor, not claiming my identity in my sin but in my adoption and standing in Christ and swimming in the metaphorical oceans of his grace.It is so much deeper and greater then a small square that you can fall off of. Shame is not part of my identity, Christ is. And that coupled with a dose of humilty, a sense of family, and some sick dance moves, is what I learned at training camp.
