My childhood tells me not to respond when people say mean things. It’s sad to say this, but the thing that I’ll remember most about my time in Thailand are the words of death that were spoken. To be honest, I regret having bit my tongue so much and wish I would’ve spoken up more for myself.
I came into Thailand full of excitement and hope for what God would do. And it’s gorgeous, so it doesn’t hurt to explore a little. After our first few days there, I was so excited that I said to my teammate Esther, “I wonder if God would have me come back here.” In other words, I was really, really feeling it. It reminded me of home…it was in the 80’s, sunny, and there was an ocean. Up until this point, God had taught me so much about my identity and purpose, and that seems like exact type of person the Thai people could learn from.
Fast forward to two days before we left the country. It was like deja vu, I turned to my teammate again and said, “I want to get out of Thailand as soon as possible.” So what changed? Words. People continued speaking death over me and it got under my skin. As I arrived, it was clear that I was going to be judged because of the way I looked.
There were many comments made about my hair, or how I didn’t look feminine, or how should act, which really took me back. These were the exact words I struggled hearing at home and they were being spoken all over again. I’ve heard that words only have the power that you give them, so if it’s not of God or true, then we shouldn’t dwell on them. But when you’ve heard something about yourself over and over again, it’s hard not to begin to believe it. If so many people are saying it, then it has to carry some truth, right?
Our last two days were spent in the city to have some rest and fun. At that point, I just wanted to escape all of the hurtful comments and let them go. As we were walking around, there were a few men at different parts of the street just speaking hurtful words over people as they walked by –it was like a game to them. As I walked by, we made eye contact and the man called me a “sexy boy.” It wasn’t the first time I’ve been called sexy and it wasn’t the first time I’ve been called a boy, but somehow combined, those words sucked to hear. Turns out we had no clue which direction we were walking in, so we had to walk past him again and he wasted no time saying, “heyyy sexy boy” all over again.
So what’s the point of me telling you this? Words are powerful. You know this. I know this. I don’t say this to get your sympathy or pity. I think we can all agree that it sucks. But I say this to invite you into what I’m feeling and thinking.
God created the world and our very existence with words. We have the power to build things up and tear things down with them. Sometimes people intentionally say things to get a reaction and to hurt, while others might not realize they’re subtle comments are actually really cutting. Words have the power of life and death (Prov. 18:21). Our tongues guide us and lead us, like an utter turns a ship (James 3:4). If our words have that much power, then we should always steer them for good use –to build up, to love, to comfort, to encourage, to call deeper.
