There are so, so, so many cultural rules these days. Maybe not rules, but “strong recommendations.” In the athletics world, it’s what we like to call an “optional/mandatory” open gym. You don’t have to go if you absolutely can’t (like if you’re puking on the floor), but if you skip, you will be shunned for a few days if you don’t play by the rules.
There are so many molds to fit these days. The mold of your gender, your age, your life stage, your career, your religion…the list goes on and on.
How should a woman look? How should she dress? How skinny should she be? When should someone get a “real job?” How should a Christian speak, act, live? How should I spend my money?
There are so many phrases, “Stop acting like a child.” “Be a real man.” “You have to go to college.” “It’s time to take your future seriously.” “When are you going to settle down?”
There is so much pressure to follow a specific path –it’s the American dream—the hope for success, to have a family of your own, to be respected, make good money. It sounds a lot like this… go to school, go to college, move out of your parents house, get a job, get married, have kids, have a white picket fence, pay off your debt, save up for vacation, be happy.
This path centers on the expectations of our culture and the thoughts of those around us. And then, people shame us when we don’t meet their impossible expectations.
I’m tired of being shamed for having short hair as a woman at the age of twenty-three. I’m tired of being shamed for not having a perfect body. I’m tired of being shamed when I don’t have a clear future planned. I’m tired of being shamed for not having an overflowing savings account. I’m tired of being shamed by other Christians for “still struggling with that.” I’m tired of being shamed for how I do or do not worship the Lord.
I refuse to accept the most common path, the most comfortable way, or the most respectable thing. We must discover our true selves, our passions, the gifts and dreams that God has given us.
As Preston Sprinkle puts it, “You cannot sanitize grace. You can’t stuff it into a blue blazer and make it wear khakis. Grace is messy, offensive, and it sometimes misses church. To expect God to pump prefabricated plastic moral people out of a religious factory is to neuter grace and chain it inside a gated community.”
As kids, we are encouraged to dream big, play hard, and think of the possibilities, but as “adults,” we are told to have it all together, be serious, think of the future. I say screw that. Screw the cookie cutter. Don’t give ear to anyone other than God. Listen, and listen closely to what your Father has to say.
These are the questions I had to ask myself: What do I want my life to be? Dictated by the culture and people around me? Or led by a gracious God, who has nothing but plans for a good future?
Life is a beautiful struggle. It’s hard enough attempting to live a life that is glorifying to God, much less, glorifying to everyone else around me. “Don’t worry about other people’s opinions of you. God never told you to impress people; only to love them” (Dave Willis). “Love God, love others, and do you boo boo” (Deborah Gordon).
I just want others to know and experience the freedom that God has given me throughout this year. I’ve found so much joy in “taking a year off,” traveling the world, meeting lifelong friends, learning surrender, being single, having no money, and serving God in the little things and the big. My life might not be the “most conventional” and I hope that it stays that way.
“To become one with Jesus Christ, a person must be willing not only to give up sin, but also to surrender his whole way of looking at things” (Oswald Chambers).
