The unanticipated life events of the last two and a half weeks have left me being filled with many emotions: from discouragement and frustration to excitement and feeling blessed. Talk about experiencing both sides of the spectrum … I certainly have! In a quick summary, through a series of ER visits, pain medications, and doctor visits, I ended up having unexpected surgery on March 2.
The lessons that God has been teaching me specifically throughout the past couple of weeks aren’t always easy, but I know they are all in preparation for the journey that I’m about to embark upon, less than 4 months away.
TRUST.
“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them.” Romans 8:28
I find myself in a season of life in which God is continually asking me to trust Him a little more. However, I often feel just like the Israelites. I can look back at times in the past and see all the many ways that God has worked and all the situations where He has carried me through the difficult times, but yet when I’m found in a situation out of my physical control, I still find myself second-guessing Him and His perfect plan.
Part-way through the first week when the pain and symptoms all started, I was feeling very discouraged and attacked. Satan knows I’ve committed to going on the World Race in July, but that doesn’t stop him from trying to suck me into a trap trying to wear me down all the more. In these moments, I’ve had to TRUST Father in knowing that He is on my side and will not let me loose the battle.
I have found myself loosing trust in Him, and becoming quite frustrated at times with the physical ailments that I was facing, as it has prevented me from completing my responsibilities at my job, or prevented me from getting things done on my personal to-do list. I have been forced to rest and let my body recover, which has stopped me from being my normal on-the-go self. In these moments, I have learned to TRUST Him, knowing that surgery and being laid up for a couple weeks is all part of His perfect plan, even if I don’t see the good in it all now.
GRATITUDE: THE QUALITY OR FEELING OF BEING GRATEFUL OR THANKFUL.
“Always be joyful; Never stop praying; Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
Life is not always easy, as I’ve certainly experienced. But I’ve also learned that gratitude is not just for appreciating the gifts and pleasures that we receive. True gratitude can only (at times) come from the difficult situations and circumstances that impact our life. Gratitude is a choice, and in trying situations it is a difficult choice to make, but may be the only choice left to accept.
With the events of recent weeks, true gratitude was hard to come by for me. How could I really be thankful for all the physical pain I was experiencing? I wasn’t myself, and felt that no matter how hard I tried, I failed every time. Weakness crippled me and left me feeling helpless. How could I be thankful that I was being forced to give up my independence and rely on other people to care for me, help make decisions for me and take me to appointments because I couldn’t even drive on my own.
God wasn’t going to give up on teaching me and helping me to overcome this obstacle. I was also reminded of my need to never feel so independent and self-reliant that I even fail to depend and rely on God. I need to be truly grateful for my Creator and give account to Him for all my thoughts, actions and words. It wasn’t until after I was willing to let go of my control and independence, before I was able to experience true gratitude in the situations I found myself in.
WHEN I AM WEAK, HE IS STRONG.
“Each time he said, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9
Friday, March 8, was an unforgettable evening. I found myself lying on the couch just resting as instructed, expecting a low-key evening of not doing much. Around seven that evening I receive a message from a friend who was checking in on me to see how I was feeling. Little did I know that two hours later we would still be talking … but more importantly for the first time ever, I could call her a Sister in Christ! Talk about God working through me when I was both physically weak and feeling spiritually weak. We began talking about purpose in life and lack thereof. One thing lead to another, and then I received the message that read: “I want Jesus in my life.” Wait, what? Did I just read that line correctly?
I was overcome with excitement knowing that God was truly at work. In my weakness, God was using me to plant seeds of faith in my friend’s life. We continued the conversation and I had the privilege to lead her through the process of asking for forgiveness and begin a relationship with Christ, giving Him full control of her life. Wow! Talk about an uneventful night turning into an incredible evening.
I may not be thrilled about all the events of the last two weeks, but I know that without them, I wouldn’t have been as open and teachable to the lessons that God continues to prepare me with in preparation for the service that He has called me too in serving His Kingdom.
