Lust on the Race
(It’s time to get real)
Readers: you only get to see what we let you in on, so I want to share with you the hard times. This trip God has grown me in more ways then ever before, but it is also often some of the toughest lessons learned. When God moves, the devil isn’t happy. He wants to attack and he knows the perfect places to attack.
Vietnam has been hard so far. I love it here, but Ho Chi Minh it is a very dark, dark city. I can still remember it like it was this morning– The very day, hour, minute, second I was attacked. It made every other event from that day become a blur.
We returned to our room after some time just walking around the city. And then… Boom! It happened so fast. It was as if a shadow fell over my bed. Darkness felt like it was slowly squeezing every ounce of life from me. I couldn’t shake it or escape it. Lust.. It just filled my mind. Thoughts ,images, past mistakes.. It was all there to drown me and take over my lungs. Breathing life became hard. It wanted to wash away all praises from my lips, all prayers from my tongue, all light from my eyes. It wanted me and it wasn’t going to stop until it had all of me. When I lay down to sleep, when I go to shower, when I do my quiet time, Satan was filling my head with lustful thoughts and desires.
I fought it. My emotions and expressions looked normal to my team, while inside I was screaming. Pain and hurt flooded through my veins. I felt like I had been injected with shame as regret was circulating through my bloodstream.
Why me? Why am I being attacked? I feel weak. I feel alone. I look up and I’m alone in the field. Where has the rest of the flock gone? Where is safety?
This lasts for a week straight. All day, everyday.
Just then, today, in the distance I see something. I can’t quite make it out, but I hear a faint voice. It’s calling my name. Slowly it gets stronger and stronger. I recognize it as though it’s been with me all along. It is MY SHEPHERD.
It was like the skies opened up. The darkness around me was gone. The guilt and shame left my pores in a sweet heavenly aroma. It was pleasant because its scent was filled with freedom, joy, and surrender. My jar of perfume was finally broken at His feet and Jesus rejoiced and cried with me. My Shepherd was there to take me into his arms.
“My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me.”
I know my Shepherd’s voice and I will follow him. He calls his sheep by name and he lays down his life for his sheep. Jesus put this Psalm in my heart today. It is my battle cry against the enemy… “THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD; I SHALL NOT WANT. SO, EVEN THOUGH I WALK THROUGH THE VALLEY OF THE SHADOW OF LUST, I WILL FEAR NO EVIL, FOR YOU COMFORT ME. I WILL GRAZE IN PEACE WITH NO FEAR OF THE WOLVES. I WILL WALK IN THE HOUSE OF WOLVES BECAUSE YOU ARE MY SHEPHERD. YOU NEVER LEAVE ME. YOU GUIDE ME. YOU SHELTER. YOU ARE MY SHEPHERD. MY CUP OVERFLOWS. BECAUSE OF YOU MY CUP OVERFLOWS. FOR YOU MY CUP OVERFLOWS. YOU ARE MY SHEPHERD FOREVER AND EVER, AMEN.”
The enemy wants to steal, kill, and destroy, but my Jesus brings abundant life. He also keeps whispering in my ear. He says, “Forget the past. You have repented and you are forgiven. I love you. I am satisfied with you.”
Even now, the enemy is telling me that writing this is a waste of time, BUT I can find joy in knowing that the devil only attacks when he is scared. The Kingdom of God will be glorified. Jesus has the victory. Death has no sting. He is my shepherd.
Will the devil attack me again on the race? Probably. The reason is because God is doing incredible things on this team and we are determined to make Jesus known. We long for the flock to grow. The Shepherd will always know me and I will always follow his voice.
Lust cannot stop that!
So, Satan, though you laugh when you hit me with lust and when I stumble, I too am laughing. Why? Because what you think knocks me down really just makes me cling closer to the Shepherd, which in turn makes you less affective. Satan, you have no footstool here. In the mighty name of Jesus I will sing.
So…. Readers: know that following Jesus comes with attacks, persecution, insults, stumbles, bribes… BUT Jesus never leaves you.
“The sheep hear his voice, and he calls his own sheep by name and leads them out.”
So… Readers: Every squad, every team, every racer is constantly under attack by the enemy. Please be praying for the racers world wide. Pray we flee from temptation. Pray we always hear the Shepherd’s voice.
May we all hear the Shepherd’s voice.
