The Bee and the Bowel Movement

Lately we’ve been enjoying the rough and rugged terrain of the
Ugandan mountains. Part of that lifestyle includes the use of what we’ve
lovingly come to call “Squatty Potties”. As of the beginning of last
month, I had gone the whole race without using one and I was determined
to attempt to finish the entire race as the only person to never use a
squatty. Sadly, my dreams were dashed when the only mode of toilet
available in Tanzania were squatties and I wasn’t able to hold it in for
an entire month.

In Uganda I’ve had some unpleasant encounters of the digestive kind
and so I’ve been making use of squatties wherever I can find them.
Eventually you get used to it. In several of them I’ve noticed not just
flies, but bees buzzing around the place. I tried telling them that
there were no flowers or scented nectar to use for honey but they didn’t
seem to believe me. But it got me thinking that from time to time, we
all try to turn our crap into honey.

Recently God’s been dealing with me on the topic of judgment and
how I deal with other people’s crap. The truth is, I can get really
irritated sometimes by the actions of people around me, particularly
when I feel that they’re thoughtless or inconsiderate actions. But I’m
usually pretty good at letting myself off the hook. I find myself
justifying sometimes in my head why everything I’m thinking or saying is
reasonable and acceptable. Why I’m right and my wife is wrong. Why
others just don’t “get it”. I get worked up inside when I’m in the
moment and I’m so focused on how right I am that I don’t notice the
pungent and unpleasant odor emanating from me, to God and to others. I
think my thoughts are pure honey. To God, though, it’s just a big load
of…you know.

King Saul was an artist at turning crap into honey. When approached
by Samuel about offering the sacrifice that he had no right to offer,
and then later about not finishing the job God sent him to do, Saul’s
fingers pointed left and right and I’m sure that in his head he felt
like he was completely justified. Sometimes we get our heads so stuck on
being right that we’re unwilling to see what God sees, and even more
unwilling to change.

Lately I’ve been catching myself in these moments. They’re like
windows of clarity, glimpses of blue sky between the cloudy sheets of
rain. And in that moment I smell something foul and realize it’s myself.
My habit in the past has been to ignore, and turn it into honey. But
lately I’ve seen these moments as God’s mercy, asking me to grow in ways
that are difficult but powerful. And in those moments now I pray. And I
repent. Several times in the last month or two I’ve caught myself right
in the middle of justifying, speaking in anger, judging, and trying to
make myself feel and look good. And lately I’ve also found those
glimpses popping up in the middle. Instead of turning crap into honey,
my new goal is to get less crap in my heart in the first place and get a
garden of flowers that can actually be used for something good for me
and the people around me. Bees weren’t made for outhouses. And we’ve got
a lot better things we can do with God’s gifts and our time than
justifying what should instead be just tossed out and forgotten at the
foot of the cross.