Can you imagine pressing pause during your favorite TV show right when something incredible was about to happen? Picture going to a movie theater and they decided to pause the movie you paid for…. Well this is how I have been feeling before launch; how I have been pressing pause on all the good things in my life all to embark on something much more incredible.
This missions trip has brought about many fears but nothing has hit me harder than the relationship aspect of it. The feeling of abandonment, the feeling of losing all my friends, family, and relationships over the 11 months. I have struggled with the realization that I will be different when I come back, that many will not understand what has happened in my life. I pray that my blogs will be able to keep those close to me up to date and that they may see the truths and grow with me.
Relearning friendships, being forgotten, and being alone are the devices the Devil has used to wound me, and wound me deep. It wasn't until I finally opened up and shared my struggles that the Lord shined His bright light into my darkness through the vessel of a lovely woman in my bible study. She spoke to me something so simple yet so powerful that it resonated deep in my soul. I am already loved, I already have one true person who will always know my name, and know me for me. This incredible person is with me at all times and will never let me down; why do I need to worry then? My Heavenly Father has me! This truth is so deep and so resonating that I can not begin to tell you how much my heart changed through it.
The scripture "The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” Deuteronomy 31:8 really reflects what I have been afraid of. The truth is my fear resonates deep with my fear of being abandoned, of being alone, of having no one. With God in my life how can I ever fear being alone again?
Here I stand open in my fears with a willingness to give up a good season for a season of growth to come out in a great season in my life.
I encourage all of you out there to identify what season you are in and press into what The Lord has for you during that season. You never know what He may be calling you to do but I promise you nothing will be more rewarding than the gifts He gives you during what ever season you are in.
