As I laid in bed, I had no idea the next few words that were to be spoken to me were about to change my life.
“I don’t want to do this anymore.”
I panicked. My life seized. The guy I thought I would be with for the rest of my life had just ended what we had going on. From that day forward my life that I had been accustomed to for the past year and a half was instantly changed. I no longer was going to go upstairs and talk to him and no longer was I going to be able to cook for two. No longer was I going to to be able to care for someone I gave everything for and no longer was I going to share memories with his family I so much admired and loved. More than that, I could no longer say, “I love you.”
As I ran to Publix (my workplace at that time), I wept and could not get any vocal sound out of my mouth. I ran into the arms of my co-worker and I let it all out. After minutes of this happening and after I talked it out with close friends I finally went back to his house (my home at the time as well) and walked downstairs to my room. As I walked into that desolate space, everything flooded my mind! What was once a space where laughs, hugs, and arguments where exchanged was about to become my warrior room!
Sitting there day after day, week after week, and month after month I looked back at the relationship I had been in. There was happiness in the beginning but as the months went on, both of us slowly realized that it was slipping away from our hands and into someone else’s. It started off by cheating and as months passed, it progressed into loosing trust and ultimately into an emotional abusive relationship.
Backtracking to January 2, 2016, at Passion Conference, I remembered that it was there where I had my first intimate talk with God. I knew in my heart that the relationship I was in was one that I had to step away from, but amongst everything I was blinded and was scared. I felt God’s presence and in that moment I asked Him to take the relationship and do as He wanted with it. My prayer and what I had given Him was answered on May 10, 2016, but yet I did not even realize it.
Days passed by but this had not crossed my mind what so ever. As each day passed all I could do was cry out while listening to worship music. Tears slowly flooded my room and the cries out for help slowly reached my Heavenly Father. Days kept creeping up on me but the nights were the ones I dreaded. As they fell upon me questions flooded my mind. “WHY ME!” “Why the guy that loved everyone around him yet every time he did, he would get put down?” “Why the guy that laid everything down for the happiness of others?” “Why the guy that was desperate to find love?”
My answer came within a very small but powerful whisper!
“YOU ARE CHOSEN!”
My Lord decided to in that moment pour out His perfect love upon me!
He was the first one I was supposed to call out for but I panicked and ran for cover. I ran to find comfort in others, in alcohol, in drugs, and in guys, yet my true answer was Our Lord Jesus Christ! Through everything, He was whispering those exact words but I was too busy with the noises of life. I was busy with the gods of this world and forgot to look to the True and Only God!
” Do not worship any other gods or bow down to them, serve them or sacrifice to them. But the Lord, who brought you up out of Egypt with mighty power and outstretched arm, is the one you must worship.”
– 2 Kings 17: 35- 36.
I was so busy with the gods of this world that I did not realize that my God already had a plan with my life. It was not until He had allowed everything and everyone I was so attached to to be taken away, that I could listen to His voice. The voice that from my mothers womb had already spoken and breathed life into me. The beautiful artistic hands that had perfectly crafted me and the eyes that had met eyes with mine before anyone else! Even then, my Father had already planned something extremely beautiful: He was not going to let a label of this world be the last to label my name!
Praising His name was my new found passion! I yearned to love Him and know Him more. I yearned for Him to keep speaking into my life and again through the storm He answered my prayer. Through all this I knew that the life I was living was the final crown I had to place at His feet. I had to let it go. Yet again all I could think about was what would people say and what would they do. I again was falling into the trap of the enemy.
BUT GOD…
Led me to watch Code Orange Revival and even decided to take me there on Day 9! A desire my heart wanted and a desire God answered. It was there at Elevation Church that my eyes were transfixed into His liking.
I had finally felt the One and True love I was longing for! January 2, 2016 God planted a seed. A seed that my tears watered and protected. My knees humbly went down each and every day to make sure it was being taken care of. My hands laid down its brushes and allowed the Lord to paint this canvas as He pleased. I was so scared to let go of a life I had so much pride in because I believed it was where my love was to be found. I was scared of what the earth would think of me, but God did not give up on His son. Day after day He worked in me and did not let the enemy define who I was. He had done what had to be done and now it was my turn to see what He could do through me. I had to lay down that final crown and trust Him. Trust that what He had was worth more than any guy could ever offer me. I had to trust a God I could not see but one that had hugged my heart in those moments of darkness. Finally on that memorable day, September 9, 2016, it sprouted and a new life was reborn.
“For sin shall no longer be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace.”
–Romans 6:14
I had finally laid down all my crowns as my God marked me with the true crown- His Love.
September 9, 2016- I AM sealed!
As I sit in my new warrior room, I look back at every moment I wept and every heartbreak I endured. In those moments, I thought that those specific seasons were the end. Now that I carry His name I can say they were only the beginning. A few years back I would pray for a man to walk into my life not knowing that the one and only man I was to truly love was my Heavenly Father. I pray that the woman who God has planned for me is one who is also loving God the same as I am. A woman who seeks not only to know and love God more each day but also a woman who I pray she endures everything God puts in front of her. To all this I give thanks to God as he allowed every single moment to happen because through it all He had a plan. A plan not for my own good but for His greater good. A plan to shout out His name and a plan that shows redemption and grace!
The earth shook below me. My eyes trembled before Him. Yet through it all God made it known that HE IS STILL ALIVE!
I tell you today that what you are going through is not the end of your world. It is only the beginning! God sent His Son for you! He carried your sins to the cross! But on that third day He rose! He rose so that you could live in freedom! Freedom that was given to you as He defeated the cross! Freedom that can be yours as long as you call upon His name! He rose because God is God and He has, He will and He is defeating the enemy!
Remember that the Spirit of Jesus lives within us! It’s a promise that has and always will stand true!
Let this be the great “I AM!”
Inhale and exhale and realize that the same God that allowed it to happen, is the same one that will take what was meant to kill you and use it to resurrect you!
Yours truly,
David The Chosen!
P.S.: Thank you Nathan for being here by my side from day one! To everything you have ever done and for being the brother through Christ that guided my heart back to God. Thank you Nathaly and Mi Lo! For being the instruments God used on that very special day!! To Frankie! To being that brother I longed for and for hearing me out when I most needed it!
