Finally brothers... (Paul is saying to sum up this whole book) whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
Philippians 4:8
I used to be really introspective.
On the outside I was quite happy and fun but I often used to overanalyze people’s reactions to anything I said or did. I thought a lot about anything that was wrong in me because I wanted to be pleasing to God.
I went to a bible school that came out of a revival and it was a place where holiness was so important. God definitely changed my life there, I wouldn’t trade my experience for anything. But in that culture of repentance and holiness a lot of us became often introspective. Always looking for new sins to repent of, and trying to look around our heart for anything bad to despair over. There were altar calls twice a week. Through all of this I never really felt good about my relationship with God, I felt there was always so much more sin to get over before I could really be close to God. Then one day I read a prayer.
I was reading a book by Bill Johnson, one of my biggest heroes in the world. He was so hungry for revival and always trying to repent and get closer to God. But he kept feeling so down by how far he felt from God. Then one day he prayed a prayer like this
“God you know I don’t do so well when I always focus on my sin. Would you please convict me when there’s something you want me to deal with? Let me just worship you and keep my eyes on you, that’s what I like the most.”
It blew me away, I felt so much freedom and excitement that such a lifestyle was possible. Here was one of the holiest men I knew of who walks in incredible miracles and the presence of God and he just trusted God to convict him whenever God wanted him to deal with an issue. It was so freeing.
On the race it’s really easy to compare, it’s easy to get frustrated because there are so many amazing people, with really strong giftings, or beautiful personalities and it’s easy to feel like we are missing out. I’ve caught myself a few times this year getting introspective and frustrated with how much I still need to grow. But I feel like God is calling us to be sons and daughters again. Children don’t care much for self-analysis, they just love being with their dad and playing with him. They want to help him at work and they don’t mind if they mess up much because they just love being with him and doing what he’s doing. And he loves that!!!
To sum it all up if you are thinking about your sin you are in fact sinning. Because sin isn’t pure, lovely, or admirable. If God convicts you then just repent immediately and quickly move on to abundant life with Him. I can testify that ever since I let God worry about convicting me and shifting my gaze to God and everything that’s good and pure and admirable in the world my life has changed dramatically. It’s amazing. I remember I used to watch movies with my eyes on the look-out for swears, or sex scenes to look away from then after my christians friends and I could complain about how bad movies are nowadays and say things like “Why did they have to put that scene in there and ruin the whole movie?”. Never did I realize that the whole time we were focusing on what wasn’t pure. It’s often the people who are the hungriest for holiness that have their eyes most fixed on sin (in order to avoid it).
Now whenever I watch a movie I have my eyes fixed whatever is beautiful in the movie, where courage is displayed or genuine love. I ask God to highlight anything he wants to teach me from the movie. I am so focused on just absorbing everything beautiful and good from the movie that I hardly remember any bad parts. (as a disclaimer, I’m still not perfect and I’m growing in this, but it’s an exciting adventure). Paul would read greek and cretan poets and was trained under Gamaliel, one of the most culturally aware and relevant rabbis of his day. Still regarded today as one of the great rabbis of all time.
I think as christians we need to start absolutely being committed to beauty, to purity, creativity and life. We can’t retreat any longer into our comfy sanctuaries and churchy lingo. The gates of hell can’t stand against against a church on the offense. The armor of God has nothing for our backside, our only protection is continual advance and victory. Let’s not fear creativity and truth, no matter from where we find it. Every good and perfect gift is from above.
