Bolivia was a great month that presented many difficult challenges for me. We were in the base of the Amazon between two mountains in the middle of nowhere. There were enough bugs to carry away a small dog and my legs were so bit up they looked like the Andes mountain range. We slept in tents, my matress had a whole in it and the closest coke was a mile away. During the day we pulled rock after rock out of the river for about 2 weeks we then used these rocks for a cobblestone path in the Christian camp we were working in.
This ministry was hard for me, I always felt the best in ministry with people assocation. Especially evangelism, something about feeling like your standing at the gates of hell telling sinners to go back because Jesus is the way to escape damnation. You tired of hearing me complain? One more; the overall by far hardest thing for me was throughout all this month I felt abandoned by God. I would pray felt nothing, read my bible felt nothing, worshipped, yeah you guessed it. Nothing! I felt alone, its enough being more of a city boy than most on the race and looking around and seeing nothing but foliage. Not You God!? Don’t hide yourself from me. But He did, all month I wrestled with finding Him and feeling Him. I talked to my friend Tom on my team and he shared that he felt similar and wished that God would embody himself in man and we would wrestle it out in the physical realm rather than the spiritual. This sank in for me because I was so ticked at what felt like the absence of God. Let’s go God! Meet me in the yard it’s going down like it did with You and Jacob in the bible. I didn’t even care if I lost at least I’ll feel Him.
After Jesus death and resurrection He went to show Himself to the dispels proving that He had risen from the dead. All the dispels were amazed except Thomas who wasn’t present. When the disciples told him that Jesus had risen he did not believe. (John 20:25-Unless I see His hands and put my hand in His side I will not believe.) A short time later Jesus revealed Himself to doubting Thomas. He told Thomas to see His hands and touch His side. Thomas then cried out, my Lord my God. Then Jesus said, it is good you believe after seeing me. But better it is to belive without seeing me.
That’s me. This month I believe God withheld Himself from me to strengthen my faith. To teach me you don’t need to feel overwhelmed by Him every time we open our Bible or pray. He will never leave us or forsake us. Even king David was mislead in believing God forsakes us. Isaiah’s clearly tells us He dosent. As hard as this month was I loved the stuggle. Brother Lucho (our missionary contact) was a great man, my squad is bomb and the many adventures to civilization was gnarly. In the moment I had some rough personal times but leaving I realized how much I changed.
Hey! Thanks for reading. Pray for me with my next deadline being in 20 days. I need 1500. God is big and I know He will supply.
