So I did something fairly stupid and ended up hurting both of my arms. I now sit here fairly out of commission on doing any manual labor at least for today and possibly for tomorrow, so I’m doing the only other ministry I possibly can, reach out to you at home.
Why is it so easy to forget? How can I be given everything and yet continually forget what I’ve been given? How can I be told who I am, see myself that way, and then forget what I look like once I walk away from the mirror? How can the Lord’s words move my heart so passionately one second to the point of breaking and then in the next be filled with apathy? What the HELL is going on?
Hell is going on, that’s what. I am hidden in the Lord, but the eternal enemy is after me with all he’s got. “…Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour,” 1 Peter 5:8. I know I’ve been told a million times that this fight isn’t mine, that I need to give it to Jesus, but I don’t always get that or know what that means. I know all the churchy answers and scripture, but how do you turn that into a heart action. I’ve done it before, but it’s like relearning to ride a bike each time. It’s exhausting to say the least. Deny, deny, deny!!! I am not my own, bought with a price. It’s time for some serious action. It’s time for death. Death of myself to this world. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! I’m pissed at myself just writing this! Excuse my French. These are empty words without action. I can write this a million times and it all means nothing. You say you’re on the mission field. You’re doing a lot, maybe even more than most. So what?! It’s not enough. My heart screams for more. My heart burns with anger and passion against what the devil is about around me. I want my Lord to conquer in this battle. I know He’s already won, but I feel like it’s time to add insult to injury. So come on back Lord!! I’m tired of weak faith and little action in myself. I want to be found as a faithful servant when I’m judged, not just as one escaping through the flames.
I have been lax lately. I have focused far far too much on myself, too little on the Lord, and a pathetically little amount on others at least in my own opinion. Selfishness is the root of jealousy. I have found peace recently. The Lord has taught me to be joyful and thankful for the blessings He gives to others. I have been called to suffer for Christ, not to find earthly pleasure and a life of fun and ease. SUFFER MY FRIENDS! This is a lesson I will continually learn over and over again in this life until I get it. You may be learning this lesson again too. Let me tell you about a man who gave up an easy life to follow the Lord.
His name is Carl and he started Remember Nhu ministries. This month I am working with this ministry in Asia. Remember Nhu is a preventative child slavery ministry, which means they identify certain children who are at risk for being sold into the sex/labor slave trade industry and support them, love them, teach them, and grow them in the Lord instead of allowing them to fall prey to the atrocities of the world. Only about 1 in 20 ministries that deal with the sex slavery industry are preventative. There are about 75 girls here with us who have beds, food, an education, and most importantly adults who truly love them and pour into them about the Lord. These girls would have been sold into the sex slave industry if it wasn’t for Remember Nhu. When I look at their smiling faces I can’t even imagine them anywhere else, but the Lord wanted me to know, so He hit me one night. I was in my tent praying, and right before I fell asleep the Lord started throwing images in my head of the horrors of the sex slave industry. I wanted to rip my tent apart and take some of those men out who were defiling those girls. I felt an inexpressible anger and pain. Even now my heart is burning just remembering that moment. The Lord wanted me to see what He saved these girls from. He wanted me to love on them and grow them in Him. To walk in his power and authority so they can do more for the other girls out there. This is only the starting place for these girls. Many of them want to be missionaries. The Lord is raising up an army. Get ready! This all started because one man was obedient. Carl gave up his life of wealth to seek what the Lord wanted. I don’t have wealth, I’m actually really poor, but I have wealth greater than can be counted in another place. I want to tap into that. I have no idea, where the Lord will take me, but if I haven’t denied myself to follow Him, well I missed it. The Lord has made my heart so soft. I feel like I never have in my life. Before the race I couldn’t really be shaken. I was steady, not confident, but you couldn’t break me. I can be broken for the Lord in an instant now. The devil tries to break me, but I will resist. Let me leave you with my favorite verses.
“Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong. Do EVERYTHING in love.” 1 Corinthians 16:13-14 (emphasis added)
