While not generally the most emotionally stable person on the planet, I feel that I tend to have a pretty good grip on my emotional life and how that is presented to others. I’ve always prided myself on being in control of my reactions and my focus.
Introduce World Race and all that disappears!
The past few months have been a whirlwind of emotions and I know they’re far from over. I’ll have moments of elation for what God is going to teach and to show me, for what He’s inviting me to experience. I can’t wait to see peoples of the world who love and worship God, to see how I can be a light for Him wherever I go. A split second later I’m fighting tears when I think about how challenging that will be, how He’ll stretch and grow me in ways that are not comfortable. I begin to panic when I think about actually living the life of a Racer and having to trust Him in everything. Thankfully, God is patient with me. He is slowly romancing my heart and showing that He is faithful, even when I am not. He is with me and calling to me when I am desperately trying to run away. He draws me back time and time again through little moments and reminders. It could be as simple as a song on the radio, a call from a friend, the sight of the magnificence of a tree He created. It can be as lovely as reading something in His Word that says, “Come child, lean on Me. I know you better than you know yourself and long for you to love Me. You can trust Me, for I did all of this for you!”
I am still learning to trust God with my heart. My head knows that this is the right thing to do and that He will never hurt me, but my heart is still suspicious. I’m thankful for the opportunity for all of this to be challenged. I’m thankful that God is God, that He is patient with me and understanding of my moodiness. I’m thankful that He gives me excitement about this experience and the lessons I’ll learn, and that He draws me back gently when I lash out. In the meantime, I’m trying to just sit back and enjoy this emotional rollercoaster!
