I have been blessed with a beautiful and enchanting cat named Clementine. To say that she is my pride and joy is a gross understatement, and to make the blanket statement that I love her would also not give justice to my feelings.
When I say I love my cat, I mean I LOVE my cat. I base decisions around her and how much time I’ll be able to spend with her. Dave even lovingly decided to incorporate his proposal into her birthday because he understood that she is the way to my heart! Obsession might be the key word when describing my relationship with my Clem, and there actually is a good reason for this. Clem is my constant. She is my center when nothing else seems to make sense. She is the one thing that can always bring joy to my heart.
This might seem like an odd way to begin a blog, but Clem has taught me a lot over the past several months. First of all, I’ve recognized that I may have a rather unhealthy relationship with my cat. But we’re going to ignore that for now. 🙂 The big thing I’m learning is that sometimes, in order to grow, we have to give up what means the most.
Without a doubt, Clem has been my biggest struggle with the road approaching World Race. I can’t imagine leaving her for a full 11 months, and to be honest I try to not. Yes, I know she’ll be cared for and loved, but she is my love and delight.
The funny thing is that God knows this. He knows that leaving her will be like ripping my heart out of my chest. He knows that I’ll miss her more than I can even imagine, that I’ll carry her picture around with me so that I look at her whenever possible. He knows that looking at her picture will cause my heart to ache unbearably and that I'll become an emotional mess. He knows the deep sense of loss I’ll feel in not being able to see and love on my kitty. He knows that my relationship with her will change and that it won’t be the same when I get back. And He knows this thought terrifies me.
He knows and yet He calls me to go.
So now I learn.
I learn that I have to trust Him in this journey. I learn that what I’m giving up is a tiny thing compared to what I’m going to gain. I learn my pain will somehow be used for His glory, and He is weeping with me through that pain. I am reminded that God is a God of love, love that I can’t image or fully comprehend. That somehow, someway, He loves Clementine even more than I do. “Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God.” Luke 12:6.
I’m also learning that God should be my comfort and joy. He should be my source of love and my center for making decisions. He is the one who goes with me and knows me best; He delights in me. My relationship with Clem and my happiness in her is nothing compared to what God feels for me. He is the only constant, the only thing on whom I can truly depend.
Sometimes the biggest life lessons are the hardest ones. They’re the kick-you-in-the-gut-til-you-expode lessons. But when we’re willing to finally open ourselves to what is happening, to trust Jesus’ love, we learn and grow. And that’s a beautiful thing. Almost as beautiful as Clem! 🙂
