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i love the bible because of its honesty. i love the book of nehemiah because it ends the same place it starts…with a broken and lonely man in prayer. his prayer is simply, “Lord, the people aren’t walking with you anymore…but remember my faithfulness.” I relate to that, and if i’m honest, i’ve prayed more times that i care to admit that i’d never have to pray this prayer. i’ve prayed that God would hold the students from groton in his arms, and give them the gift of faith.
 
“God doesn’t ask us to be successful, he asks us to be faithful.”
– Mother Theresa
 
and then i see the honesty of gideon. he heard the Lord’s call, but continued – over and over – to ask the Lord to confirm his word. i’ve laid out a lot fleeces since the Lord asked me to go on this race. every fleece was a cry from my heart, screaming, “Lord, prove that you’ll take care of (this student)”

i want to share the stories of two of those fleeces:

fleece number one: 
    while i was at training camp for the race in late october, word reached some of the students that i was going on the race. one of them was a girl i’ve seen the Lord work in and through in unbelievable ways this past year. my heart wanted to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that she would find rest and comfort in the arms of our God…and i prayed and prayed, laying her on the ground before my God as a fleece…”show me that you’ve got her, Lord.”
    i got home to connecticut and i led youth group the wednesday before i would tell the congregation. with this student, i could see the hurt in her eyes. but we didn’t talk about the race…it loomed in the room like an elephant in the corner.
    youth group ended. i cleaned up and went through the building to turn out lights. our jr high room lights were on, so i went to turn them off. but sitting on one of the couches was this girl, bible open on her lap, and tears rolling down her eyes. i sat on the ground, with my back leaned up against the couch and all i said was “so…”
    we sat in silence for about three minutes, until she said, “i found out on saturday. i was mad at you. sunday, i had to leave the worship service because i was mad at you for leaving, and mad at God for taking me from you. i had a hard time worshipping. monday, i had art class and i needed to paint, but my heart wouldn’t let me. so i opened the bible to the book of isaiah. God brought me there, to chapter six. and that conversation isaiah had with God…the Spirit told me that you two had that same conversation too…” my heart lept. in her distress and heartbreak, she turned to the Lord and to his Word. amen! fleece was laid out and God showed himself faithful!
    she waited a few more minutes and asked me. “when do you stop being a part of my life?” it was a heartbreaking question in one sense, because the obvious answer was never. but in another, it was beautiful, because she was willing to give me up if God needed me. i responded with that obvious, “never,” explaining myself in more depth than that one word. but she followed it up with the fun question “but are you going to be a missionary in like Guatemala or the Philippines or something?” “Yeah, maybe…i’m going to go where God takes me…” i followed that up with “and i’m inviting you to come serve the Lord alongside of me if i end up as a missionary somewhere in the world...”
    her response was God’s second answer to the fleece i had laid out. she said, “i’d love that. but if God calls me somewhere else, the thing he’s taught me through your decision to go on this race is that i need to follow his heart, not my own.” amen and amen! 

fleece number two:
there was one last girl my heart hurt for. i laid her before my Lord as a fleece. i was going to meet with her to explain as best i could why i knew i needed to go on this race on the last tuesday i’d spend in groton. monday night, the Lord gave me a dream about her. as she sat in my office, i shared with her the dream i had. i’ll try to explain the dream i shared with her:

    i had a dream on monday night of last week. in the dream, a revolutionary war fort that exists about a block from my church appeared to be a prison. the fort is up a hill from a river. in my dream, i watched a crew of people escaping from the prison, and trying to get themselves to the river, because it was understood that the waters of the river meant freedom. 
   one of the students from the youth ministry was one of the prisoners trying to get to the river. she was hurting, on her hands and knees, crawling and dragging herself one inch at a time. as i watched from the side, i knew that i needed to go and help this girl get herself to freedom. so i went and put her arm around my shoulder, helping her one step at a time. 
   within seconds, i saw a mass of people running up behind us. they were people from every church i’ve ever been a part of. they stood in front of me and this student, and told me that i could not carry her anymore…that if she wanted to get to the river – to freedom – she had to want it. with tears in her eyes and desperation in her voice, she cried out, “this IS what i want. but i need help.” from my mouth i heard a question, “how many people crying out for you to help them did you pass on your way to stopping the two of us?” sheepishly, they turned away, but failed to help out those crying for help.

 
wednesday night, the next night, we had youth group. she listened as i taught, unable to hold back the tears in her eyes, but those same eyes were closed tight. after our youth group, i got an email from her. she said, “when i heard your dream, i was so scared because if you leave, i wondered if i would be able to get to a place of freedom in God. if you’re not here to help me, who will?” i teared up. but it went on, “but God was showing me things tonight at youth group. That’s why my eyes were closed so tight. i wanted to tell you that you missed the best part of the dream. at the point where it stopped for you, i saw the rest. here’s what happened: i looked up at you…but you weren’t you. you were Jesus. you were never in the dream, Dave. Jesus was in the dream holding me, and he will never leave me, and will never let me out from the place where he carries me on his shoulders. The reason it was you was because you’ve been how I’ve seen Jesus for the past three and a half years. I thought you should know that…”  
 
the final fleece was laid out, and yet again, and ashamedly to my surprise, God showed himself faithful.
 
 
 
john 10:10b-11a “i have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. i am the good shepherd. the good shepherd lays down his life for his sheep”