above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of your life…
proverbs 4:23
proverbs 4:23
i can’t even start to tell you how many times i’ve turned a student to this verse in my years of working with youth. embarrassingly, almost always, it has been as i am pointing a girl to this scripture as she is giving herself to a boy who will do nothing but use her. it’s my attempt to make sure her heart is resting in the only place it should be, in the arms of the Lord. i don’t think that is taking the verse out of context, but i do think that i have limited the depth of this verse with such a fickle and trivial meaning.
but i spent twenty hours in a car this week. and the Lord placed this verse in my mind time and time again. i came back to it over and over. i knew it was a verse i needed to hear, but i didn’t really know why…
blessed are you who weep now, for you will be comforted…
luke 6:21
twenty hours in a car gave me time to cry. i lost a family in leaving connecticut. my cousin has become as close as a brother. i said goodbye to him this week. my students have become my brothers and sisters, some of them i view as my own children. i said goodbye to them this week. my bible study group has ministered to me and carried me through some rough valleys. i said goodbye to them this week. those relationships plead for my tears. so how do i guard my heart when it aches? does guarding my heart mean that it will never break?
i’ve bought a lot of the lies that have been sold to me over the years. these lies that tell me that ‘real’ men don’t cry. these lies tell me that a christian should always be happy. these lies tell me that i should never let anyone see my heart and my soul, because they’ll abuse that trust and walk all over me.
but jesus wept. and jesus was called a man of constant sorrow. jesus was betrayed by one of his own disciples.
so i wonder how jesus ‘guarded his heart.’ one of my favorite passages of all scripture was written by peter, and is found in his first letter. in chapter 2, peter writes about the suffering jesus went through. it talks about how he handled the pain in his heart he was feeling as those he created and loved were torturing him, even as he strove to reconcile them to their God. verse 
23 says that christ entrusted himself to him who judges justly. he entrusted his heart to God.
23 says that christ entrusted himself to him who judges justly. he entrusted his heart to God.
the way that jesus guarded his heart was by giving it to God. jesus, who was fully God, knew that he needed to have his heart held by the hands of the Father. jesus spent time with his father each morning and evening, lying that heart down.
one of the things i’ve come to realize over my short years on this globe is that God will never choose comfort for us at the sake of significance. the same was true for his own Son. he brought his Son comfort, but it was on the other side of the cross. and because he went through the cross, he sits at the right hand of God. in revelation 21, john talks about seeing a scene where the King of Kings, Jesus Christ himself, wipes the tears falling from our eyes.
i mourned this past week. and in doing so, i was beginning the process of guarding my heart. i was mourning the loss of something good, for the sake of something better. i was trading away the things i cling so dearly to, realizing i can afford only to cling to the cross. cs lewis once told his readers that they must never ‘let the good things in life rob you of the best thing.’
and i really believe that from the first step taken to follow Jesus, we are out of step with the rest of the world. but from that first step taken in obedience to the Lord’s call, i’m no longer my own. i’ve officially entrusted my heart, soul, mind and strength into the hands of our God. and in His presence, he is the God of all comfort – a God who comforts my heart as he guards it for me.
