finishing strong…

last night was a reunion of sorts. jen and tonya, the two girls i’ve had to trust the most this year, grown to depend on the most this year, and fallen in love with the most this year (in a purely platonic, brotherly way) met me in Brasov. over the best four cheese pizza i’ve ever had, we discussed a lot of things.

 

the honest talk came out – talk spurred on by a month where i was able to be alone a lot and wrestle with my prayers, my thoughts, and this trip. i realized last night that i’m tired. i realized last night that 9 months is a really long time, and i’m worn out. (if i’m honest, i realized that last month too. i can remember sitting with a 20 something aged guy at a church in Jo’Burg and telling him “i’m sorry, but i’ve had so many ‘one-day’ friendships on this trip, i don’t need another.” the irony is that that conversation led to one of the most profound one-day friendships i’ve had on this race). 

 

but the longer i’m apart from the squad, the more i recognize how much we were designed for community. having a team of people with a like heart pushes me on when i want to stop. they hold me accountable when i start heading somewhere i shouldn’t. they pray for me and encourage me. they know me well enough to recognize my emotions. they give me space when i need it, but don’t offer the same the times i want it but shouldn’t have it. they show me grace as i show my ugly side, and that grace seems to sand away (slowly but surely) the abrasive sides of me. community like the world race is how the church should be.

 

i’ve recieved a dozen or so emails, facebook comments, skype comments, etc saying the same word, “finish strong.” and i need to hear that word. it’s a GOOD word. but it’s hard. it’s hard to cling tightly to a community that is here for only a short while longer. it’s hard to engage heartily into ministries when home is on the horizon. in some ways, the first months, when home was a past event, not a future event, made it easier to be living in the present. 

 

i had a gym teacher my freshman year of high school, mr. manz, and he used to run us like dogs. and i remember the 3 mile runs…the last 400 yds was the hardest. but it was also the point where you had to give it everything you had for that last kick. i never had the energy to kick, but i did it anyway. and i feel like that as i type today.

 

what does finishing strong look like? i hope it means i pray with the same passion and fervor i have this year. i hope it means i shut up and listen more than any other time on the race so far. i hope it means i invest in the squad and the relationships all the more BECAUSE i wont be as available to them in the future. i hope it means the next few months ruin me more than any others yet.