You may notice a slight shift over my next few blogs as I have decided to open up the pages of my journal and share openly with you what is on my heart and mind. As always, I pray that in some way God will use it to speak to you and challenge you. The following is a journal entry from August the 10th, 2014 in Haiti.
Where is my focus? What is rest? What is enough?
The setting: So here I am, day 6 in Haiti and day 6 of being sick. Thankfully I feel a lot better with no headache or fever. I still have something wrong with my stomach. I am taking CIPRO twice a day, drinking water, eating more, but I am still very weak. (On a side note, we moved to Mission of Hope’s main campus from their North Campus.) I like being healthy and strong, but I realize I have been taking that for granted. More than anything I see I would rather have a healthy walk with my Father in Heaven, because that is more important than life itself. I do not want to rush out of this time of sickness until I have heard from God everything that He desires to speak to me in this moment. I am grateful to be here, because God has brought me to a place of peace and solitude with Him that I have never experienced in my life.
Where is my focus? For me to arrive at this point in America would most likely have been a little more painful. I would probably be angrily out of work. When I stop and think about it, much of my work is to pay for things that consume me and do not actually help me. I am learning to simply exist in a place and in a position of rest, rest from the cares of this World, or the next big thing. There is always something, whether it is good or bad, that will draw my attention from God if I allow it. The Spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. It is a battle to allow only the good in my life, and to where it does not draw my focus from God Almighty. God gives us the opportunity, most of the time, to make those choices on our own. He desires our hearts to be in a position of willingness, ready to be captivated solely by Him. Maybe it is a boyfriend, a girlfriend, your spouse, or a to-do list that is consuming you. Let us ask God to show us what is demanding our focus from Him.
What is rest? When was the last time you stopped to sit on your porch with your family, or go to an undistracted place together or alone? The porch itself may have been at one time on that to-do list, which was obviously not the end of the list. Those lists never end, but our lives do! STOP! BE STILL! When you sit down do you immediately begin feeling anxious, or that you are wasting time? What thoughts fill your mind and consume you? God tells us in his Word to not be anxious about anything, yet we are filled with anxious thoughts that we do not even realize, hence the importance to stop and be still. Let us take every anxious thought captive, and place each of them at the feet of Jesus in prayer.
What is enough? In a book I recently finished reading by Jeff Shinabarger titled: “More or Less,” I was challenged to define: what is enough? Words cannot describe the freedom I have begun to discover from being asked this question, and most importantly, responding. I pray this question often comes to the front of my mind. What is enough: sports, activities, hunting, fishing, cars, trucks, t.v., projects, the list could go on. I began to see a great point that was made and it went something like this: When we draw a line of what is enough in life and get rid of all the “other things,” things that occupy our thoughts, dreams, and time, it then frees us to wholeheartedly fulfill our very purpose we were created for by God. If you are like me and have been anxiously seeking God’s will, here is a thought: As Pastor Jeff Warren put it, “Do not ask: What is God’s will for my life? Rather ask: What is God’s will?” Join in what God is doing. The first question makes it about you, the second makes it about God and His will. So I challenge you along with myself to de-clutter our lives so that we can rest, focus, and give ourselves wholeheartedly to the calling we have. “Go,” share the gospel.
“Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” Matthew 28:19-20 ESV
For me personally, I must clear my mind of financial anxieties by taking them to Jesus. They are all completely out of my control anyways! If I were to try and escape this time of refinement by quitting the race, I would only be cheating myself, hurting my team, and would only further complicate what I see as a problem, thus causing more striving, fear, and anxiety.
“Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the Earth!” -Psalm 46:10 ESV
I have decided to follow Jesus, “no turning back, no turning back!” Your prayers for me to be and remain steadfast and unmovable are greatly appreciated.
