When we are open and allow God to do his will and not ours, he calls us to GREATER.
This past week has been so full of emotions. Team changes happened! I was prepared but not really. Los Mensajeros- Cristen(my confident and full of love for women’s ministry), Dara(my little sister with so much power) Cal( my younger brother who picked on me and so passionate for the Lord), Luis(the wise and daring) and Caleb(full of joy and knowledgeable) had become my really close family and people I could just easily talk and pour my heart too. We clicked in training camp when we shared our testimonies the first day of finding out we were a team. Doing life with these guys 24/7 just became the norm. We joked many times, had serious conversations, cooked together, ministry together, adventure days, watched movies (well I tried because I would fall asleep), and so many other memories. I think we should have been called the unseparable messengers. If we would get divided for some reason, we always found our way back to each other. I knew the time would come when we had to separate but did not understand how hard it would be. I have to admit I cried out a few tears during our team debrief. When in training camp and even launch, I never imagined I would just end up loving these guys so much. Just thought they were some random people who I would do ministry with and then just say goodbye when done. God always has an order for situations and knew exactly what he was doing when he put us together and why. As much as we did not want to be split up, we knew as a team that God has so much more waiting for us. We do not know what, but excited to see what is next. LOS MENSAJEROS had discussed many times what we thought if asked to be a team leader when it came time for team changes. Everyone was always excited and stated they would do it. I always kind of avoided the question. I did not know what I wanted and was not sure of how I felt leading a team. Now I get how insecurity and doubt had been playing in my head. The enemy tried to make me believe I was not good enough to lead a team. I thank God for my previous team leader Luis who has had so much faith in me always. I thank him for pushing me as I was growing through my walk and journey since day one. Many times he kind of threw me out there to pray or lead a meeting even when I was a bit uncomfortable. I now see how the Lord was preparing me these past 4 months in the race and even before. I really did not think I would be asked to lead. Well guess what? I WAS!!! I don’t even know how many times since even before the race I have been told I am a natural leader. I was really avoiding it because I did not think I could do it and did not want responsibilty and really did not put much thought into it. I always said I would never be a leader.
NEVER SAY NEVER! I always have been the back seat kind of girl. Thought I would do good with just taking care of self. Yes, it was selfish. Well after being here on the race, God has opened my eyes to many things. If he is calling me for greater then why not be obedient. I mean I did ask him to transform me and lead me to whatever he wanted and I would obey. Obedience has been a big key throughout this journey so far. When we obey and just trust God, so many things move and change. After Cote D’Ivoire the entire squad went to in a town named Tema in Ghana. We had our squad debrief there. Had some sessions, one on ones, and several meetings. Supposed to be restful but did not really feel like it was. One of those days Phil our squad coach and dad spoke about doubt and changing our perspective. I knew exactly what he was talking about because of how I had felt in Cote D’Ivoire and how I had decided to cotinue this race strong. During the session I prayed the Lord would remove any doubt from me. I told the Lord that whatever he had planned out for me these coming up months, I would be obedient and follow through. That was of course during session. After it was finished, I was asked by one of the squad leaders if I could go to a meeting the next morning at 8 a.m. I felt in my heart then what it might be about. I mean no other meetings scheduled for the squad so if it was not for leading, then it might be for being a treasurer. Lord knows I have no skills for managing money except mine and that I have issues myself. I have to say I have been tested quite a bit with it already this year. Ok, back to where I was (get side tracked) and in typing I just want you to hear me speaking.
So the next morning I went to the meeting and yes was asked to be a team leader. I cannot say I was surprised, but definitely got me excited. Me a team leader. WOW!!! God sure has a sense of humor. The people asked to led were told we had 10 min to think about before making a decision. Quick decision I may say. I knew by then what my answer was. I had told the Lord the night before I would do what he asked of me so here I was. I sat on the ground for about a few minutes and headed to my seat with the response. (God had been prepping me for a long time to be a leader, but he knew I was not ready before). God’s timings are all so perfect. I feel that he has grown me in boldness, discernment, true love and compassion, humility, and so much more already in these past 4 ½ months). When I accepted to be a leader I was given the names of my new team, Bradley, Cal, Danielle, Liz, Stephen. I do not know why, but it made me so happy. Cal of course was in my previous team, but the others I had not spoken very much too before so I cannot say I already knew them even being on the same squad. I was excited to get to know them and see how we would grow together. I remember I had to write everyone’s name on a different piece of paper for them to know their team. I trusted the Lord put us together for a reason and just decided to to pray for each and everyone of them. All this was 30 minutes prior to entire squad finding out who their new team was. Talk about a fast change. Kind of like ripping a bandaid off of a sore wound. I know God is calling them for greater and cannot wait to see them grow. We are a new little family and I will fight for them if I have too. I pray they will allow God to use them and fight even when the struggle is real. The enemy will try to interfere, but if we just keep our sight on God, he will pull us through.
Hebrews: 10. 36 saids: You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.
The day before finding out about team leading and the new changes, I had already voiced that I would not want to compare new team with old, and that I would not allow doubt and insecurity to come in. Well…..this particular night satan came to try and use those things against me. I became so discouraged because I would hear other teams laughing and having a good time while my team members were all in their room. I did not tell you but God had placed me in a group of all interverts. I prayed that evening and casted out all negative thoughts. I thought that if God had placed us together, it was for a reason and that they all needed their space to process all the changes. I felt better but the struggle was still there. I prayed about how I felt all night and the Lord spoke to me the next day and told me that I was not alone and he would be with me every step of the way.
Now we are here in Sunyani, Ghana with entire squad and fighting for my team. It will take time for us to grow really close, but for now I am happy to see what the Lord is doing. I am enjoying getting to know them more. I want to lead how the Lord wants me to and pray they can find a safe place within the team and I.
Praying
