I will be real. This month is all squad month and I really did not feel it. Could be because I have become so close to my team and experienced so much from God in January that I was just having such a hard time. I was unsure as to how it would go. Colombia was such an amazing month. I believe I was just having a hard time letting go. I really did not know the rest of the squad as well and did not know how being around them was going to help me. All I wanted was to arrive to Ecuador and begin our work there. Well I was just thinking about me and not about what God wanted. We tend to do that often. Sometimes we get wrapped up in our own selfish wants and forget that God has other plans. After our ministry in Robledo, Colombia our team headed to a hostel at sports area in Medellin to meet up with the rest of our squad. I was a bit nervous I would say. Little at a time I spoke to other squad members but not really. We had a good time as a team but still I was not feeling the whole squad month. I have always kind of been the middle person. Not popular nor the ignored one. I like to just be there for whomever wants to talk. Because of this, I realized at debrief that I needed to be more intentional and decided with the Lords help that I would talk to someone I did not know. I had to get out of my comfort zone. The enemy had always played lies in my head telling me that I was an outcast and nobody wanted to talk to me. Well he sometimes tries to make me feel like it again, but I just rebuke that feeling and know that I am not less than anyone. We are God’s children and important to him.
My entire feeling has completely changed now. February 11, 2017 after a 30hr bus drive and feeling so tired the squad arrived in Quito, Ecuador. I will say I was not feeling too excited. The host explained our living situation. The girls would sleep inside the house and in bunks (no complaints there). The guys would sleep outside in their tents (Not so cool because it is the rainy season). The host began telling us about all the rules and what to do and not to do. I was thinking it was a lot of information and rules, but ok whatever they wanted I would do. The next day I felt completely overwhelmed. There had been time in which I had time to process everything. Sixty people which most I did not talk to all in one house, all these rules, and no WIFI took the best of me (I really do not need it but I just wanted to tell my parents that I was ok). Part of me felt so confined. I had to remind myself to choose joy and be here in the present. I asked God to help me understand this and to help me be of good support to my team. I wanted to be kingdom like. Colombia was good but I was here now in Ecuador and needed to be in the present and let God do what he needs to. Our host had given us the day off to rest so a group from the squad decided to go to the Equator. I decided to go since maybe this would help me relax and clear my mind a bit. I may have to say this decision was great. Not only my mind rested, but was able to talk to other squad members I had not previously talked to. God knows my heart and opens doors. He knew I was trying to be intentional. I refuse to let satan take control. I have the authority in Jesus and he gives me the strength and voice. I had a wonderful time. Not only did we go to the equator but the squad decided to attend the Ecuador qualifying soccer game. How much fun. I was able to have a great time with my squad. That evening I thanked God for what he had done in the day. I felt like now I was ready for ministry.
Since day one of ministry I have learned many new things. I have been able to see a clearer picture of what he wants me to do and things I just was refusing to see. I have been able to see that I am truly blessed with what I have. Even with the things I am carrying the next 9 months I still am blessed and have what I need. I just hope I can always remember this. It is just the beginning of the ministry but I have seen so much hurt. In Ecuador I see so much sadness and pain in people’s eyes. Some I have encountered refuse prayer and are just wrapped up in their own lives. Kind of reminds me of back home. Ministry here in Quito has been so much different so far. Not saying God will not move because he always can. Just have not casted out demons. My heart hurts for all the people here. I think it has sunk in that God has truly blessed me. It is ironic how I tend to complain of how little food I am getting here (mostly soup), when my team is doing ministry where they are feeding the homeless and providing for the less privileged families. WHY!!! Should I keep complaining of how little food I am getting if I can go buy some more at any time. These people have 9 people living in one room. I have a bed to myself, hot shower, easy access to clean clothes, and so much more. I refuse to keep thinking in my selfish ways sometimes. I am truly blessed to have what I have and I wish that I can completely humble myself and serve as God intends me to do.
I am going to say the feeling of nervousness about being around the squad has gone away. I truly love these guys. The women are beautiful inside and out. I hope one day they all feel worthy of it all because they are. The men just leave me speechless. Their passion for Christ is so big and have the heart to take care of the ladies. Always watching out for us. I have gotten to talk to some of the people, but my goal is to get to know a little or a lot of each. Definitely excited for this squad month and have enjoyed the time so far. God has a funny way of working and I LOVE IT. I want to grow in BOLDNESS and DISCERNMENT. I know God has so much for me to learn and I am super stoked about it. Every day I want to grow more and more.
Someone once told me that my words have power. They could build someone up or destroy. I was like ok and did not think much of it again. I have again heard the same thing here and from experience now I understand. God has also confirmed what several people have told me that I am a natural leader. I never believed it because I kind of did not want that title and because I believed my voice was not important. But as much as I push it away, God finds a way to bring it back up. I was told again just the other day during listening prayer that God wanted me to know that my opinion counts and that I am a natural leader. This person did not even know anything about me. I know it was a confirmation from God. He is truly AWESOME. Satan has no Authority and I cast all that away in Jesus name.
To you reading, I just want to say to you that God has not finished with you yet. There is so much more to come and to not give up. He created you at his image and Loves you very much. You are worthy of it all and to not let fear stop you, STEP OUT IN BOLDNESS.
