I spent a lot of my life not knowing Jesus. I didn’t think it was possible to know you carry someone with you but never really know them.
I spent most of my last 24 years doing my own thing. I’ve spent a lot of this last month thinking about that. It’s funny how we think we can just live life and that will fill us up. I’ve been a lot of cool places and done a lot of cool things but NONE of that fills me up the way Jesus does.
After I graduated college my best friend and I moved to Palm Springs, CA for two years. My last year there I spent the majority of my time partying. I would go out on Saturday night and do my best to slip into the back row of church on Sunday, whether I was hungover or not. I also would take my bible with me to work almost every day with an intention of reading it. I don’t think there was a time on my breaks that I actually opened it. Carrying that bible made me feel better, despite the shame I was feeling. I felt like if I was carrying it or going to church, God would figure out a way to save me from my shameful life.
Here I sit, close to 2 years later CHANGED because of the people he placed in my life at the perfect time or the places he had me go at the right moments. I used to look to alcohol and parties to fill me up and now I know the only thing that actually can. So when I see the women and men in the bars looking for the love I so desperately searched for I don’t get sad, I smile. I smile because I’ve been there, not to the degree of the challenges they are facing, but I smile knowing there is no challenge to big for God. I’m so thankful I get to be a part of what is happening in these people. Something like what God was able to do in me. God showed me I could be my best friends mom just mentioning that she is praying for me. I could be my friend Nathan who mentioned through our first conversation in years that missions would be a great direction for me, hence the World Race. Those tiny conversations are what changed everything for me and in small conversations with all of the men/women in the bars and the cafe, I think we we’re able to do what God wanted. God doesn’t NEED us here to do this for him because he can do all things, he just WANTS us to be a part of the transformation.
It’s pretty funny too because for almost the ENTIRE first month all I wanted to do was go home (not because of anything negative on the Race). I told God I was ready to marry my boyfriend and start having some kiddos, I was ready to settle down and spend more time with my family, amongst many other things. As sure as I was that God had called me to the Race, I knew that I would need him to make it just as clear that it was okay to leave. So I waited with no answer to come. As I entered this second month, all I kept thinking was God needs me here. He chose me and I HAVE to stay. God convicted me at the end of this month. It was made very clear that God doesn’t NEED me to do anything, because he can do everything. He was simply asking me with an invitation to do something bigger than myself and go on a journey with him in the process. Not only was I so mind-blown by simplicity, I was overwhelmingly humbled. God is SO good.
As for ministry life this month:
For two weeks we were in the bars. We would spend two hours in the morning prayer walking, two hours during the day at the bars building relationships, and two hours at night at the bars furthering those relationships or interceding for the ones that were going out. Spending time in prayer and going out to give the love only God can give to these women and men has been spectacular. God is doing things in them and in time, I truly believe they will have new eyes to see!
The other week was spent working in the cafe and doing housekeeping duties with the women. A lot of the women that work here at the cafe are women that have chosen to step away from their lifestyle. Pi Emmi has been working hard to give them the second chance The Lord desires for them. It’s been so great spending time and working alongside of them all whether it’s been teaching them English, washing dishes with them, mopping floors, serving food, or just silently watching them work and knowing that God is working inside all of them. It’s been something so amazing to be a part of and I know that even when we are gone God will still be here doing great things!
We leave on Tuesday for Cambodia to begin our next ministry. It’s hard to believe we are already about to be in month 3! Next month we are going to be in Siem Reap doing ministry with gospel teachings, English teachings to the children/youth, children hygiene, planting trees, and building home gardens. I am very excited to see what God does this month 🙂
I am going to be spending the entirety of next month without internet as my choice. It’s going to be difficult but I know that it will be amazing to spend time with God without distraction. Please pray for me, my family, and Lukie!!! I will be writing blogs about next month and posting them at the end so I can keep everyone in the loop! I love you all and as always, thank you for coming on this journey with me! Please let me know if there is anything I can be praying for you!
