Hi everyone! This will probably come as a really suprising blog to all of you — but I am actually sitting in the Johannesburg, South Africa airport … on my way home!
I found out just 3 days ago that my Pepaw’s (Mom’s dad) kidneys are failing. I found out that this is not something that can get better — so, I just sit and wait … wait and hope for a phone call, an email … anything … any information my family can give me. The problem has been that I have been pretty much out of touch — trying to be patient and wait — trusting that God is in control and that when I need to know anything … I will be in touch with someone. I have just been on standby, waiting to hear anything and praying for peace along the process. I spoke with several family members last night — some via my sister Ashli and I was told that I need to come home now. Family members are not sure that Pepaw is going to make it through the week. He is in his late 80’s and to be honest, he is tired and more than anything — he misses Memaw. They were married for 63 years when Memaw passed away 4 years ago, and he is ready to see her again. My Pepaw is an incredible man, who has loved me and my family with all of his heart. I could never tell you how lucky and blessed I have been to have my Memaw and my Pepaw in my life. They have literally been at everything my sisters / cousins & I have done throughout our entire lives. They never missed a moment … and it is hard to believe that I am going home to see Pepaw move on. The closeness that I feel with my immediate family is only an extension of what I have with my extended family. I was raised with my cousins — they pretty much raised my sisters and me … seriously! And, I can tell you that each of us has grown up admiring our Memaw & Pepaw and wanting nothing more than to raise a family the way they did and to instill the kind of love in our families — the way our family loves each other.
I know that I talk about my family and how much I miss them … but this is not the way that I wanted to see them again. I am filled with all kinds of emotions right now and trying to sort through all of them. I am obviously devastated that I am most likely going to lose my Pepaw in the next few days and then thrilled to see the kids. I know that neither of them is wrong — but I sort of feel confused that I can feel both at the same time. I am nervous of what these next 6 days (that is how long I will be home) will look like, what kind of pain and joy it will hold, and I am praying that I can experience closure. I ask for your prayers for my parents as they are trying to deal with all that they are feeling and are waiting on 2 daughters to get home safely from Africa (thankfully Ashli and I are on the same continent right now)!! I sit in the airport right now and just feel nervous for so many things… nervous to see Pepaw, nervous to see my family after 6 months, nervous to be in America again … so many thoughts in my mind. I know that the Lord commands us to cast all our cares upon Him — for He cares for us. And, I am trying to do that. I also know the He promises to bring comfort to the broken hearted. I do completely trust the Lord and I know that every ounce of this situation is in His hands — that His timing is perfect and that I need to be with my family during this time.
Sorry this was a jumbled mess of thoughts and words … but I think you for loving me and my family during this time. I will let you know any updates as they come. I will be in Texas tomorrow — well, on the 4th.
Love you all so much!
