I wrote this prayer at the end of Africa and felt like I needed to share it now!
JESUS:
Do I trust You? I want to Lord – it is all that I want is to
really love and trust You! I know You
are who You say You are – I know the truth about You – but do I believe it
enough to let go of EVERY part of who I am?
I don’t know what that looks like or how exactly to do that … to
surrender my every want, my every desire, my every thought to Your
control! That I would follow You to the
ENDS of the earth and completely surrender my future – have no hand, no control
over it. To completely give over my
family to You: that I trust You so completely – that I never worry about them,
that I never wonder if You are taking care of them …
God: I don’t want control –
why would I? I cannot even handle ME –
how could I want control over anything even past that and yet I do. I do want it and I even fight You for it
sometimes – how STUPID! I don’t really
want that!
God: why am I so afraid
of something happening to my family? My
biggest fear is that my family will die – I want so bad to not think about that
or worry or even entertain the thought … but it is something I think
about. I just imagine how I would NEVER
recover from it and I am more afraid of that than almost anything.
God: I know You hold all
things together and again – I know I can trust You … but I am so afraid! Why is all this coming out now? Because You want to bring it all to the
surface, so that You can deal with it and get rid of it in my life. So – that I can walk in freedom and allow You
to have COMPLETE control over ALL AREAS of my life!
I love you so much and I long
to trust You with all my heart – will You teach me how? You are good and I know that!
I love You!
