As I sit here wondering what to blog, a lot of thoughts roll through my head. Some days I can’t wait to leave and see the world and see God’s hand in everything I will embark on over the next year. But most days I am in utter denial. As of right now I get to live with my parents, work on our family food truck, and see my adorable nephew every single day, talk about a sweet deal! Every time I think about abandoning my comfort here in Idaho I am heartbroken, who wouldn’t be torn up about leaving all you know and a 6 month old baby that smiles and giggles every time he sees his Auntie Dee? And yet I know it’s what God has for me.
I’ve been so caught up on a ‘right now’ fix, and I don’t think that’s only me, I think that’s how society has become. I want to numb the pain I have felt over the years, I want to snap my fingers and everything go back to a simpler time. When I still had a love for a game that I had had since I could pick up a ball. I want to go back to a time where I was best friends with my brother, when we went to dinner at least once a week so that we wouldn’t live in the same town and not talk to each other. To fix these hurts I turn to things that help for a little but leaves me longing for more. And I don’t know about you, but for me the hurts tend to come more at night. During the day I can distract myself enough to not think about it, but the moment the sun goes down and I want into my room I feel the thoughts coming back. So my flesh, being tired of the hurt and just tired from the day, turns to ‘right now’ fixes. For instance Netflix and food (not a good combination). But it makes sense if you think about it, for the big attacks to come at night, all day you are using your energy, emotions, and a whole bunch of other important stuff. By the end of the day you are worn out and just not wanting to fight anymore; at least that’s the way it has been for me.
The other day during my time with the Lord, He brought a memory and a thought to mind:
As most of you know I was in the Middle East for a month this summer. On my way back from Egypt we had some trouble getting back, LONG story short it took me about 72 hours with minimum sleep to get back to America. Consisted of standing in lines for 7 plus hours and traveling back by myself. BUT God is good and brought me back safely 🙂
I get back to America in the LAX airport tired and wanting the 7 hour layover I have to go very fast, as I get my bag and go through customs I arrive to the front desk. Having a carry on and a very full check-on bag I was hoping that my carry on would maybe fit in my check on so that I wouldn’t have to carry the extra weight. Knowing that it was overweight I was hoping that just this one time they wouldn’t notice and let it go without any problem, not the case. So I load my backpack and my duffle without even asking them if they could let it slide just this once. I was too tired to put up any fight, instead I just put the load on my shoulders and continue on.
GOD DOES NOT HAVE A WEIGHT LIMIT!
He can handle the weight of your pain and my pain! He can handle your worry, shame, regret, lust, anger, frustration, loneliness, fear, laziness, condemnation, doubt, and many many more! And whats even better is that He has no fees, Jesus Christ paid for it all when He took up the cross for you and I. All you have to do is ask. And yes I know first hand that even asking can seem almost impossible, especially when the darkness falls and you are weary and have nothing left from the day. When you remember all your past mistakes and all your hurt, and think nothing can change my current situation.
But there is hope my friends!!
Yes, I still struggle with it daily, but that’s a big reason of why I am say yes to God taking me away from my comforts; that’s why I’m saying yes to God’s will and not my own. I am abandoning everything so that I find healing in the deepest parts of me, so that I can grow in Him. And while I do that I pray that God will allow me to touch other peoples lives with His love. Yes, the healing may not come tomorrow, may not come a year from now, or even 10 years from now (praying for sooner!), but I know my God is a God of healing and restoring, not a God of pain and shame.
So load up the baggage! Pack it ALL in there and surrender it to Someone who can handle the weight!
