So about 50 days ago I packed a backpack and set off on World Race.
I left my expectations at training camp. Expectations of what daily living would look like, comfort, ministry, and just life in general. Gave it all over to God and just decided that 11 months would not be about what I want; though nothing in my life should solely ever be what I want for myself, but what God has planned for me.
Sometime things latch onto us that we were never meant to carry.
Sometimes we carry little hitchhikers and don't realize it until we examine ourselves.
I think it's easy for people to think, at first glance, that World Race is like playing superhero for a year; simply doing good wherever we go and feeling awesome about it.
But that's not exactly the case.
I signed up for the Race with the motive of sharing the love of Christ wherever we go. I also desire to comeback from the Race with new global perspectives and to have (what I think is) my identity repeatedly broken and constantly re-built by the God who created me in his image.
Somewhere along the way, in the midst of having no expectations, I picked up a little parasite. I carried it along for some time and it fed off of me without my knowing. One day during squad worship, I found the little sucker that was latched onto me and it was the spirit of comparison. Being in a squad of 51 other people passionate about the Lord should bring life and encouragement. The enemy of this world seeks to kill, steal, and destroy; and the spirit of comparison was doing just that.
I never intended to pick up that parasite; no one ever does. But it latched on and sucked life out of me. At times I was not focusing on God and who He says I am. I was looking at people on my squad and comparing myself to them, wondering if I wasn't doing enough of praying or Bible reading, journaling or this or that or whatever. At times I wasn't fully focused on the ministry that God placed me at because I heard another team was doing something that sounded like it was more interesting or simply more fun than where I was at. At times it made me feel inadequate. But whenever we focus on anything other than our relationship with God, sometimes even good things, we can fail to have an attitude of gratitude.
I am totally guilty of comparison and losing focus of what God has set before me: Himself.
Once I recognized that I was able to recognize the spirit of comparison that I was carrying, I was able to bring it to God and ask Him to rid me of it, which He was and is willing and able to do.
Without the spirit of comparison feeding off of me, I am able to focus more on God and not other people. I know God loves me. He delights in me when I focus on Him and simply enjoy His presence. He loved me first and knows even the number of hairs on my head. There is no need for me to know the number of hairs on anyone's head, to try and find out would just be a distraction to me and of no use to me whatsoever. I am to be thankful for all that God has done for me; the cross of Christ in and of itself is reason to rejoice in His freedom.
God has created me in His image and to be in relationship with Him. As long as I focus on that relationship, everything else will flow out of it. If I am focused on loving God, then loving others and doing good works will be the fruit of that relationship.
As I write this, even coming on the Race with the motive of loving others is throwing off the order of God's commandments.
I am to love God first and foremost. I cannot simply love my neighbors as I love myself and lose sight of the Father, it's not meant to be that way.
Thank you God for refreshing and renewing my mind, mindset, and my motives.
You're so close to me, easier to access than the click of a mouse.
[Refreshed]
