I have been processing through a lot here in Nepal as I rest in the heart of the mountains. I have come to this cover up that most of us as christians put over ourselves. We seem to think that we have to constantly help others and if we take time away from that we are somehow selfish. Well this is my revelation about what it looks like to live a kingdom life. This process in witch we think, does not produce a healthy balance of helping our self and helping those around us. We tend to use the words selfish or self-centered in the world if you focus on yourself.
- Why is it that as individuals we choose to not pour as much into ourselves as we do in others?
In other words, we leave the gas pump before we have a full tank. I think that in my life as I reflect on this there has been many times that I have tried to help others without seeking first fulness myself.
One moment that Is very clear to me was a day about 3 years ago, my brother Kyle decided to visit Washington State for the first time in a long while. I being the knight in shining armor saw that he has been living a very broken life and trying to find fulfillment in the world. So, what did I do? I pushed my problems and life aside to rush to his aid. The thing I forgot to bring was the living water! I had not spent enough time with God to be fully filled. The biggest problem I found was I let him get into my heart and speak to the same lies I was believing in. This interaction with my brother lead to both of us choking each other out on the ground! You ask how can you start with such pursuit of good and end in such negative terms? Well being selfish, lead to be self-centered and boy I don’t want to be that guy so I made the choice to try and pour out what I never filled up on! You see this is just one of the many stories that leads to a disaster if we are not selfish with God!
We seek to constantly pour out what we don’t have! that is not what we are called to do. Our passions as people for others is amazing. We must learn how to be more so called (selfish) in order to have a healthy impact on the people around us. Have you ever been tired, exhausted at the end of your rope and still you invest into others? Why? (remember that man Jesus the son of God yea he took time to sit with the father of heaven and earth to be selfish NO he needed to be poured into in order to pour out onto others!) Well our culture and our mind gets caught up believing that helping others is helping yourself. If its easier to help others and harder to help yourself its time to be a little selfish. Not the ugly, back stabbing selfish, but to be focused on inner fullness and sitting with our father selfish. Jesus gave us the Holy spirit so that we may have and advisory here on earth. We need more self-reflection time than most of us want to believe or admit. In order for good works in the kingdom to be carried out we must first have a genuine full heart, mind, body and soul. I’m sure your initial reaction to this blog is kind of hard to swallow maybe a little tense possibly some anxiety.
God has designed us with a void to be filled with water only he can offer. I do not feel that my time spent alone nor my time away from all people or even my time without interruption is selfish! I know that God has given us time and space to spend with him, at that gas pump we get to choose how long we stay to fully fill up.
We may not have forever here on earth but with the time we do have lets choose into making this beautiful planet a beautiful place to live.
