18 days left. Now seems as good a time as any to start obeying God’s whisper.
Every morning for the past 4 months God wakes me up at the crack of dawn. Before the crack of dawn actually. Nighttime, some might call it. I have always been an early waker, but I am especially gifted at demanding my body back to sleep until I deem it an appropriate time to get up.
I have known for awhile that it has been God inviting me up to spend time with Him separated from the rest of the world. I didn’t care enough to accept the invitation.
Until Belize, month 8. I made a promise to God there that if He woke me up, it didn’t matter what time, I would get up and be with Him. And I was relatively good at being obedient. He started with 5:30, then 5, then 4:30, then 4. Sometimes He went as early as 3-3:30, and I said “Lord! I look like a crazy person sitting in the dark for hours! 4 is my limit, Sir!”
Show of hands, who here has ever tried to limit God?
At that time, our ministry didn’t start until 9, so I was having 4-5 hours of quiet time. It was magical.
But then month 9, Guatemala, came. As quick as I got in the rhythm of obedience, I was out again. Guatemala was chilly. I wore my heaviest shirt (which isn’t very heavy) and I was freezing. So it was easier to stay warm in bed. Goodbye obedience! Goodbye good habits! Hello 20 minutes of rushed quiet time! Hello pretend quiet time where I actually just fall asleep because it’s cold and the blanket is warm! And so, my obedience was gone.
Onto month 10, El Salvador. We were at a YWAM base with millions of other people. More like 15, but same same. I have no decent excuse, I just wasn’t obedient. Broken promises are really hard to restore. (There’s a sermon in that)
Last chance, month 11, Nicaragua. We live on a beautiful farm with a perfect view of the sky. The best sky I have seen all race. There are no city lights blocking our view of the stars. No buildings, houses, or tall trees blocking our view of the sun set and rise. We have horses and dogs on the land with us and chickens crow in the distance. It’s pretty close to perfect out here. I told God for one last time on the race, “if you wake me up, I will be obedient.” And boom, all my problems were solved. The end.
If only…
I actually still struggle with being completely obedient to Him every morning. He keeps waking me up at 4 and most days now, 3:50. Every time I think, “He made a mistake. Surely MY God would want me to get rest for ministry.” I forgot to mention, when I was obedient in Belize He restored my energy daily. I wasn’t taking naps or gassing out. He replenished my body and my soul. So why now am I thinking that I need rest more than I need time with my Father? Stubbornness is just funny like that. You see what you wanna see.
Which brings us to today, November 14. Yesterday I told my squadmate, Emily, that God keeps waking me up and I don’t want to tell Him no but I do. Before bed she said, “Let’s get up early tomorrow and pray.” Accountability. And boy, was it needed.
I woke up at 3:48 and got Em up and we strolled out to the pavilion. As I walked I kept my flashlight on and stared at the ground looking out for rattlesnakes and scorpions (yes, that’s just my normal life now). As I approached the pavilion I turned off the flashlight, feeling safe from the critters.
Immediately I was met with a flood of stars looking down on me from the sky.
This is it. This is what He’s wanted to show me. He knows I love the sunrise so much, but He wanted me to see that before the sun, there is still so much beauty to behold. There is magic in the sky at 4am. Pure, unadulterated Heavenly magic. The sky was the blackest blue and the stars shone like each was it’s own spotlight. Not trying to outshine each other but working in harmony to create His masterpiece. The scattered clouds were a black pink, providing just enough covering to add beauty and not take away from the stars. There it was. The thing He’s been trying to share with me for 4 months. The thing I’ve been running away from is perhaps the most hauntingly beautiful mystery I’ve ever seen. The night sky just before dawn.
There is more He wants to show me. Secret things between He and I. Things I have not yet discovered and might not for some time.
Obedience is almost never easy. But He has shown me time and time again, it is ALWAYS worth it. So here is to hoping I remain obedient for the last 18 days of the world race.
