It breaks my heart to say that my 3 months in the Kingdom of eSwatini have come to a close. I fell in love with this place from the first day I arrived, something I never imagined I would say. Before actually coming on the race I truly didn’t expect much from my time in Swazi. I considered this country just a stepping stone to get me where I really needed to be– India. I look back at this perspective I had and now realize that I completely boxed away the power of the Lord and His will over my life. Yes, Jesus wants me in India, but yes just as much, He wanted me in Swaziland.
In these months I learned about the power of God and how to truly love like Jesus.
I learned about God’s power through both His creation and through reading in the Old Testament, especially the book of Job. In the last few chapters of Job, God is proclaiming His sovereignty over the entire world. He goes into intricate detail about how He controls every single living organism on this earth and how he laid down the foundations of this earth to the exact measurements. After reading these chapters I was shaken by His power over the sun setting, the moon rising, the flowers blooming, and the wind blowing. I began to see the overwhelming presence of God in every part of my days. This has brought me a great fear and reverence for the Father. Having to control all of the universe at once is dizzying to me, yet that is just a minuscule piece of God’s workings. A friend of mine explained it like this– “If you look at the universe compared to yourself it looks all too big, but look at the universe in the eyes of God and it’s just right. It fits perfectly in his hand.. how much bigger is He than all the galaxies”. The way I view God and His creation has changed so much through learning this and I’m so grateful to have a better understanding of His supremacy
.The greatest thing I learned is what it means to love like Jesus. I learned about this through learning to love the littles around Swaziland. When I first saw the small kids I freaked, if you know me you know I’m not the best at loving kids. Toddlers kinda scare me if we’re being honest. I literally have no idea what it is about ‘em but back in the states if I had to be around a toddler I became this scared and awkward human and I had no idea how to be around them. Showing up to the carepoint to find a whole squadron of toddlers had me working up the nervous sweats.. three months of little kids, how the heck is this one gonna work out for me? At first I was still a little awkward around them. I didn’t know what to say or do to love them well so I would often avoid them and just play soccer with the kids who were a bit older. I’m sure you’re laughing at me in your head at this point– Danielle, they literally can’t even talk and just want to play with you, why are you so scared?! I still can’t tell you what scared me about them, but whatever it was, the Lord completely threw it out of me. I realized that in order to love them well I had to get down to there level, and I don’t mean height, I mean age. Over time I learned to be a 5 year old again and it was the most fun time of my life. I played touch, hide and seek, I spun them around and held them all they wanted. One precious little girl in particular brought the love out of me. My Pununu bean taught me how to love with my whole entire heart. She’s four years old and she’s a smart little sassy pants. I fell in love with her like she was my own. I learned to love holding her for forever. Even if she was sweaty and smelly or came without undies on that day, I knew that the best way to love her was to hold her and make her giggle. We both grew comfortable with each other and she became the brightest part of every day. It wasn’t only that I learned about God’s love by loving her, but through her love for me. One of my last days with Pununu I was literally hit by the immense love of God. She usually walks up to the care point a little after i get there so I get to go greet her at the gate. This specific day I don’t think I had seen her the past week so I saw her walking up and I sprinted over to the front gate to greet her with my usual hug. This time was different because when she saw me she fell into the fastest sprint her little legs could run at and she threw the full force of herself into my arms like a messy and beautiful crash. She hit me so hard and I picked her up and twirled her around. My heart has never felt so full of love for someone in my life. Looking back at this memory I am so aware that God was reminding me of His wildly intense love for me and Pununu.
I come to the end of three months not wanting to let go, but knowing that God will continue to work in Swaziland. I cannot express in words how much I love the country. It feels like I have pulled my heart out and left it behind. This has been the first time I’ve truly experienced heartbreak. I hope and pray that the lord brings me back to home to Swazi soon, but if I never get back I know that I will be able to see my bhutis and cicis in Heaven, as we all praise our Father together.
