**Trigger warning. Some topics discussed in the following story may be difficult for some readers, please proceed with caution.**
Welcome to the final installment in my Her Story Matters series. This is the story of Katie from North America, our fourth and final continent stop this year. I met Katie when I was young, but didn’t know much about her story until we were older. She opened up to me in college, and this courageous friend of mine has graciously allowed me to share her story with you. Once again, names and identifying details have been changed for the protection of all parties involved, but I believe this story, just like yours, my dear readers, deserves to be told.
Katie is the youngest in her very large family. She grew up in a single parent home with a mother who worked incredibly hard to provide for her children, but consequently was not around much. She was mostly left in the hands of her older siblings who did their best to bring her up well. The times she did have with her mother were sweet and she vowed from a young age to always do her best to never disappoint or worry the hardest working woman she had ever known. Katie loved school and sports and excelled at both. She had a very happy childhood with the exception of having to deal with her abusive father. Luckily, that was mostly only every other weekend unless he found time in his schedule to cause other trouble throughout the week. Because of her father, Katie and her siblings were in and out of court her whole childhood and had to move every couple of years for safety purposes.
When Katie got to high school, she was targeted by a group of peers and endured a year of persistent of sexual abuse. She then quickly made friends with the wrong crowd and took to drinking to numb the shame and the pain that comes from living through so much abuse in life. Katie never wanted to be labeled a “victim” so she never told anyone what was happening to her. Her father’s nasty words ran through her head every time something happened. “You deserve this. If you weren’t such a b****, maybe people would treat you right. Shut your mouth. Nobody cares what you say. All you’ll ever be good for is to lay on your back.” These words stuck with her and she began to lose hope of a life any better than this.
With her new friends came newfound dependency on alcohol and drugs to make it through the day, as well as a new discovery of pornography and mastrabation in an attempt to figure out what was happening to her body during the abuse she was enduring. These habits later led to promiscuity and a complete disregard for anything that happened to her body. She believed she was made to be used and abused and lived daily out of that mindset, after all it’s what her father had told her her entire life. She stopped fighting back, she gave up hope, and all she could see was darkness closing in on her in what she believed to be an inescapable fate.
She began a relationship with the only man who she could still stand to touch her. He was a childhood friend whose mother was now an alcoholic and drug dealer, which made access to her new destructive habits incredibly easy. Though he was not a bad guy, their relationship made her destructive habits that much easier to access. Their relationship was not a healthy one, but continued off and on throughout her high school career, nonetheless. This relationship intermingled with another relationship, one that still tries to haunt her. This relationship started out of a complete disgust for men and a deep seeded desire to be loved. She began dating a woman, a friend. A small voice inside her always told her that this relationship, alcohol, drugs, pornography, etc. weren’t for her, but she used all of those things to numb the pain and shame of what she was doing. She simply didn’t know where to turn. “Lost is an understatement.” Katie says.
Katie did her best to never let her family know just how deeply broken she was; she thought she might as well die if they ever knew all the things she was doing. When she was at home, she did her best to always be the easy one who wasn’t bothered by anything. In school, she maintained her grades and did her best to hide her true life from her teachers and peers. Nobody knew what was happening to Katie and if they did they never said a thing to her.
Katie felt ashamed, overlooked, and unloved. She convinced herself one night, after hours of drinking and drug intake that nobody would ever notice if she were gone. If she died, nobody would care. Her intention was to get so messed up that she blacked out and never woke up. Luckily, one of Katie’s friends saw her and decided to take her home before she was too far gone. While he was driving her home, he lost control of the vehicle and they suddenly found themselves in a collision with a steep embankment. Katie did not have a seatbelt on and effectively flipped over the center console of the vehicle when the passenger side of the car struck the embankment. When she and her friend came to, they crawled out of the vehicle and realized the extent of their injuries: a scratch on his arm and a sore chest, and three scratches and a few eventual bruises for Katie. In shock, her friend called another friend to finish taking Katie home so that she wouldn’t get in trouble for the condition she was in. Meanwhile, Katie began meandering around the vehicle, surveying the damage. She realized that the seat she had been sitting in was completely gone. She shouldn’t be alive. She melted on the hill and sobbed as she felt for the first time in her life something bigger than her working in the world. Maybe there was a God. . . Maybe. . .
Though her family never went to church, Katie decided to try it one day after the accident. Her mother raised her to have good morals and a steady head on her shoulders, but was not a religious person. This was Katie’s attempt to turn her life around, to somehow make up for all the guilt she felt about the things that had happened to her and effectively the things she put herself through. She had made it through a lot of trauma in her short life, and things were getting to the point where she felt she might implode if nothing changed. She knew she couldn’t go on living this way. The lies and secrecy ate her up inside, she needed a way to change, and after the accident she thought she’d give God a chance.
Church went nothing like she had hoped. She found herself in the back row fuming in anger at the building full of people who were laughing, smiling, and ignoring her pain. “God, how come these people get to live happy dandy lives, when my life is s***? This is bull.” Katie made a beeline for the door and was stopped by the new youth pastor of the church. This was his first day, so he wanted to know who Katie was. Katie did her best to push her way out the door before she burst into tears, but the burly man in the doorway knew something was wrong and wanted to show that he cared. He and another woman in leadership at the church pulled Katie aside and wanted to talk to her. They wanted to know her, the good, the bad, and the ugly, and they wanted to point her to Jesus. Katie simply wan’t having it.
A few weeks down the road Katie had a dream. While she still doesn’t remember much about the dream, she woke up with a question burned into her soul that she will never forget. The question was, “Death, or Jesus? You chose.” It was no surprise to Katie that the path she was headed down in life would lead to death. It was a fact that both terrified her and brought her solace all at once. But she had this tiny speckle of hope that maybe there was a way out. Maybe things could change. Maybe she was wrong about God. She reasoned with herself and decided to give God a try. She thought she may still end up with the same outcome, but at least this way she would know she tried all she could.
She went back to church for several meetings with the two leaders who stopped her on that first day at the church. She shared little bits about her life and they told her the truth about Jesus (though she still didn’t find it to be true.) Before their fifth meeting, she got a feeling something was about to happen, so she decided to get high one more time moments before walking into the church. She walked into that meeting completely gone, and she walked out of the church that day 100% sober, free of addiction, and a new believer in our Lord and saviour Jesus Christ. (Side note: Recognize the influence you carry. Show people you care, even if you just met them. You can help change people’s lives, just like these two did for Katie.)
It hasn’t been an easy road from there. In fact it has been one of tough choices, trials, and tribulations, but today Katie has a hope that exceeds her understanding and keeps her moving forward in life. She found light in the darkness, and is now a new creation in Jesus Christ. Her soul is washed clean by the radical transforming power of Jesus. Katie chose and still chooses to seek the face of the Lord through every circumstance, and the Lord has taken her life down a totally different path than she could have ever foreseen in high school. Katie is now a college graduate and a missionary bringing this incredible gospel message to the lost around the world. God is the God of reconciliation, love, hope, and grace. All we have to do is invite him in, and let him take hold of our lives like he longs to do.
This is a story of the saving grace and transforming power of God. This is a story of the kingdom of heaven at work in our world today. This is Katie’s story. This is my story. This is our story. This is the gospel.
*If you would like to further discuss any topics mentioned in this story, hear more details about how Katie walked through deep healing with the Lord, or have questions of any kind, please hit the “Contact Me” link in the sidebar. We would love to continue the conversation with you!
