I was really struggling with feeling useless last week as my team continued to be led to a ministry the Lord pulled me away from, even though it is a ministry that I love. (This month is Ask the Lord ministry, so this is a possibility since we are not partnered with a specific ministry host.) Anyway, I fought the side of me that wanted nothing more than to lay in bed all day and instead decided to journal and then go buy groceries. During my time of journaling with the Lord, I told him how much I was struggling and how much I felt like a failure as a missionary and useless as a teammate and friend. I cried with him, and then needed to get out in the sunshine after some heavy processing.
I got up, got dressed, and went to the grocery store. I found what I needed, paid, and started walking home. (All much harder tasks when everything is in Greek.) Just as I got to the door to our apartment, I heard the Lord’s still small voice say, “Go back to the store.” “What do you mean go back to the store?” I said, “I was just there. I’m going to look like a crazy person.” God patiently said in return, “Go back to the store. I’m going to show you today that you’re not useless.”
So, I put my first batch of groceries away and went straight back to the store. I walked in the door, paused, and asked the Lord why he sent be back here. He sent me to the baking aisle, and pointed out all the items I needed to buy. With my knowledge of baking, I figured out pretty quickly that he wanted me to bake cookies. I bought the items, headed home, pulled up my recipes and started baking. All the while, I simply gave God the headspace to speak truth into the lies I had told him about earlier in the day.
Two and a half solid hours in the kitchen allowed me the space to bake and commune with the Lord. I listened as he spoke and it turned into a beautiful day of healing. When I was done, I asked him what the heck he wanted me to do with all of these cookies. He said, “This morning when I sent you back to the store, I told you I was going to show you that you aren’t useless. These cookies are for your team and the other team. This is how you will show them my love today. I want you to show them that they are loved, seen, and known. Homemade baked goods are something you all have been missing for seven months. This is how I’m speaking today, through baked goods.” So I wrapped them up, wrote some notes, and let the goodness of the Lord speak for itself.
Who says the Lord can’t move through cookies?!
