Let’s be real. I’ve never been the skinny one of the group. Growing up I was a gymnast, which meant I had a lot of muscle. Muscle that was constantly mistaken for fat. I got called names and was ostracized for my size for most of my childhood. It became a way of thinking. “I’ll always be the fat girl.” When I had to quit gymnastics and then went through a period of being abused by several people in my life shortly after, I hit my breaking point. I decided I wasn’t even going to try taking care of myself. I ate all the unhealthy things and never worked out. I thought if I made myself ugly, then everyone would leave me alone.
Though it’s still embarrassing to admit, at my heaviest I weighed over 260 pounds. But it wasn’t just about the weight. I stopped taking care of myself emotionally, mentally, and spiritually too. I just didn’t care about myself, and I had given up hope that I could be better. I ate and did whatever I wanted without thinking about consequences. I was living in what felt like a black hole.
Throughout college I progressively started diving into healing with the Lord deeper and deeper each year. By the time senior year rolled around, I felt like I was missing something. I was continuing to experience deep healing and freedom in so many other areas of life, emotionally, spiritually, mentally. I was walking out of the prisons I had kept myself in and taking my life back piece by piece by the grace of the Lord. Then one day, after feeling a little stuck for awhile, the Lord revealed to me the piece of health I hadn’t taken back. Physical health. I knew I wasn’t happy with my body the way it was, but it had never dawned on me before that moment that this was more than just a body image issue.
See, the Lord doesn’t want just pieces of us, or just certain sections of our lives to be healthy. He created us as WHOLE beings, even scripture says that our bodies are temples of the Lord. 1 Corinthians 3:16-17 says, “Do you not know that you are a temple of God and that the Holy Spirit dwells in you? If any man destroys the temple of God, God will destroy them, for the temple of God is holy. That is what you are.” This verse convicted me in a way I had never experienced before. I would never walk into a church building and decimate it the way I did my body. That truth hit me deep. The good news is no damage is irreversible with the Lord. So, I took action. I bought healthier foods and started going to the gym. Just as any other journey to healing, it wasn’t an easy road. I wanted to give up so many times because I was frustrated that my body couldn’t do what it once could, but each time, I heard the still small voice of the Lord whisper sweet truth and it gave me the perseverance to push through. “You didn’t give up this easy in any other healing, so why would you stop now? I made you to be a fighter, so fight for it. Take your temple back. You’ll need it in the future for things you can’t imagine now. Honor me with this, the body I created.”
Before I knew it, my body craved healthy food and workouts. I was in the gym six days a week lifting and doing yoga and chatting with the Lord. This connection to him became a vital catalyst in even deeper healing in every aspect of life as well. I craved healthy food to fuel my body, (but still let myself enjoy some chocolate) and I started Advocare to fill in the gaps in my nutrition, and dove into the support this community offered. The weight melted off (70 pounds to be exact), the muscles grew exponentially, I felt so much better, and the Lord blessed every workout as I handed each one over to Him. See, the Lord cares about holistic health. Each part of us effects the others, we are created in an intricately interconnected fashion. It’s beautiful, and it’s so incredibly powerful. He wants us to be good stewards of the temples he gave us to use here on earth, our bodies.
Now, workouts are a form of worship between me and the Lord. The gym (or makeshift gyms on the race) is one of the places I go to connect with him and he shows up every. single. time. I’m proud of the healing he has allowed me to walk in in every aspect of life. It continues to be an incredibly beautiful journey with the Lord, even when it’s messy.
*If you have any questions, or want to hear more of my heart about this matter, please reach out. This blog post is in no way intended to guilt or shame anyone, but simply to express a lesson the Lord has shown me that changed my life.
