“But I took a deep breath, and she sat there listening to me across my dirty coffee table, and we talked about community and family and authenticity. It’s easy to talk about it, and really, really hard sometimes to practice it. This is why the door stays closed for so many of us, literally and figuratively. One friend promises she’ll start having people over when they finally have money to remodel. Another says she’d be too nervous that people wouldn’t eat the food she made, so she never makes the invitation. But it isn’t about perfection, and it isn’t about performance. You’ll miss the richest moments in life—the sacred moments when we feel God’s grace and presence through the actual faces and hands of the people we love—if you’re too scared or too ashamed to open the door. I know it’s scary, but throw open the door anyway, even though someone might see you in your terribly ugly half-zip.” – Shauna Niequist
Independence is defined as freedom from the control, influence, support, or aid of others. We are raised to be independent. It is praised in our society. I pride myself on being independent and self-sufficient. Artists sing about independent women. Books are written about finding self-reliance. There is even a beauty in independence. No one gets the power to define you. You can think and act for yourself. You don’t need to have to count on anyone. But…
The truth is, trying to go through this life as an independent person can be isolating, even lonely. The truth is, we miss out on the best conversations and best learning opportunities when we don’t share what is really going on in our hearts. It may be easier on our hearts and emotions to keep to ourselves, to remain passive, to suffer alone, to use introversion as an excuse to close ourselves off and hunker down repeating “I got this.”
In the midst of preparing for the Race, I am learning that we are called to community. We are called to intimate relationships with both God and others. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 says, “Two people are better than one. They can help each other in everything they do. Suppose either of them falls down. Then the one can help the other one up. But suppose a person falls down and doesn’t have anyone to help them up. Then feel sorry for that person!” Easier said than done, right? To be vulnerable and to rely on people is scary! What if people judge? What if people doubt my abilities? What if people see the real me?
God is teaching me that the risk of authentic community cannot be an excuse to keep ourselves. Why? Because God is doing some cool things in my life and I need to share it. I have had periods in my life when I try to do everything on my own, and when I reflect on those times, they are full of exhaustion and slow growth. When I let people in, I am repeatedly surprised by the outcome. People want to hear your story. People want to know how you (really) are. People want to be engaged. People can inspire you to be a better you. They can pick you up when you fall. They can be an accountability partner. They can celebrate your victories with you. But only if you let them in.
So first, I owe you a thank you. To my family, friends, mentors, co-workers, and everyone who has allowed me to share a piece of myself with you – thank you. For giving me your time and your energy, which are the most valuable resources in relationships. For allowing me to be vulnerable about my fears for this upcoming year of my life. For coming along side me as I experience this new freedom in community. For supporting me financially to help make serving overseas a reality. God has given me a beautiful community of people and I do not take it for granted.
Secondly, some encouragement for those of you like me. To the people who don’t want to show anything but the buttoned-up, ducks-in-a-row, best version of themselves to the world. I’ll let you in on a little secret. While we are waiting to get to this perfect version of ourselves, life passes by, and we miss the opportunity to share the real, raw, messiness of life with the people around us. Let’s take the risk and take the first step. Let’s do life together. Let’s offer a listening ear to hear how God is working in our lives. Let’s acknowledge that God has made us all different and we can learn from each other when we take the first step to listen. Let’s walk through the tough times and offer encouragement and support.
Thirdly, I give you a promise. I commit to taking the first step. I commit to community. Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another”. So to my World Race team, I commit to stepping out of my introverted, keep-to-myself comfort zone in order to embrace vulnerability and real community. To my family and friends, I commit to not hiding the good, the bad, and the ugly…and more importantly how God is working in all of it. To everyone, closest loved ones and complete strangers, I commit to listening to your story. Will you join me?
