“If the devil cannot make us bad, he will make us busy.” – Corrie Ten Boom
Pre-Race planning is stressful. There are so many things to think about and so much to do. There is a running to-do list in my head at all times. Here’s a little insight into the thoughts swirling around in my brain:
Let’s start with Gear. How does an over-packer like me live out of a backpack for a year?? An airporter…what’s that? Synthetic or down sleeping bag? Two pairs of shoes for a year…I better choose wisely. Do I pack for hot or cold temperatures? Oh wait, I need both. I need a computer…man, that’s expensive. There are a thousand day packs to choose from…where do I start? Any way I can bring a year’s worth of coffee with me? Truth be told, I’ve never set up a tent before. Hmm…
Let’s think about Finances. $16,971 is a large number. Fundraisers don’t just create themselves. Fundraisers need to be created, planned, and executed, all before launch! How do I fund the immunizations and gear I need on top of that total? How do I manage my personal money while I am gone? Student loans and bills still need to be paid…
Let’s consider my Mental Preparation: Am I ready to preach and share the Word with people around the globe who may have never heard of Jesus and probably do not speak my language? Have I studied enough about the governments and religions in the countries I am headed to so that I know how to best serve the people I am meeting? I’m an introvert…do I know what I need to get some quiet time while I live in constant community?
It all comes down to Evenings: I only get 5 of these during the week. They are precious. What do I decide to do with them? I should be organizing fundraisers. I should be writing thank you notes. I should be writing my next blog. I should open my laptop and work on that project for another hour. I should be researching and buying and testing and returning gear. I still haven’t looked up those immunizations or scheduled a doctor’s appointment. I should be studying the Word and spending time with Jesus preparing my heart. Oh, and I should eat dinner and sleep at some point. Shoot, I haven’t bought my plane tickets to training camp yet. Wait, I still need to pay that Physical therapy and credit card bill sitting on my bed. And then I blink…and there goes the week.
And the tendency is that Jesus time and quiet time become one line on a long to do list. At least it made the list, right? Wrong.
In this chaos, God still speaks.
Me: “God, I don’t know how to get all of this done. I don’t know where to start.”
“Be still and know that I am God.” (Psalm 46:10)
Me: “God, you want me to be WHAT?”
“The Lord will fight for you. You need only to be still.” (Exodus 14:14)
Me: “But God, don’t you see all of the things I need to do? Didn’t you just hear all the questions I still have to answer?”
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.” (Proverbs 3:5)
He says it repeatedly and He means it. Even though my tendency is to work harder and to rush and to rely on self-sufficiency, it is in these times that I need to throw this self-reliance out the door and fully rely on God to provide for my needs. To provide energy for my checklist. To provide peace in the planning. To provide wisdom to prepare my heart well.
If I’m always looking down, crunching numbers, figuring out how in the world to raise the money needed to go on the Race, raising money to buy gear and immunizations on top of that, and trying to manage my personal funds to pay for student loans and bills while I am away, I miss looking up and seeing the unbelievable generosity of the people that have donated to me and given so much to help me get on the race.
If I’m always looking down, researching gear and worrying about what to bring and how to pack for a year, I forget to look up and remember God’s provision that no matter what I bring, regardless of whether I have the right sleeping bag to keep me warm and the right shoes for the year, God will provide for my needs.
How do people get to see God’s love through me if I’m too busy to lend a helping hand or even finish a conversation? How can I see how God is providing for me unless I stop to look? How can I determine how God is leading me unless I put these running thoughts on hold and listen?
If we trust that He has been faithful before and He will be faithful again, we need to be still. Being still does not mean that we don’t have to move. It means we can move in peace. Here’s the beauty of it. If we believe God’s promises are true and that He will provide for our needs, we don’t have to sit in our fatigue and in our fear, we can move forward. It is not easy, but it is so good. We can rest and know that because of God’s grace, His love and strength will empower us to prepare well and to move, even when we are not on top of our game.
It’s time to start looking up.
