Christmas was really hard this year. It wasn’t hard because I was 9,264 miles away from my family. It wasn’t hard because a category four typhoon was on its way. It was hard because I found out one of my old friends had passed away.
His name was Joey. I first met him in sixth grade English class. I remember walking into the classroom on my birthday with a bunch of balloons from friends and family. In the middle of class, the teacher surprised me with another balloon for all of the kids in class to sign for me. While the balloon was going around the classroom, Joey spoke up and mentioned that it was his birthday too. I felt terrible that no one had known. Immediately, we blew up another balloon so that we could all sign it for him. From that moment on, I knew that I would always wish him a “Happy birthday,” on our birthday.
Throughout middle and high school, we stayed friends. At times, we may not have talked very much. But, as soon as we ran into one another, Joey always embraced me with a hug as if we were super close. He had a way of making people feel important. It was always fun to share silly memories from the past with him.
Two years ago, Joey became sick and ended up in the hospital. The sickness progressed very rapidly. He began to lose weight and looked less like himself. In the beginning, it was hard to know what was wrong. We all expected him to get better just as quickly as he had become sick. But, he didn’t.
It started out as what seemed to be a simple cold. He is the exact same age as me. It could have so easily have been me. At times, I wished that it was me instead of him. Every major life event, I wanted to celebrate with him. Initially, I felt bad for continuing with my life. It wasn’t fair that Joey couldn’t move from the hospital. As time went on, his sickness motivated me to work extra hard for the two of us.
On our 21st birthday, I promised Joey that I would visit him as soon as I got back to my hometown. As I drove home for summer, I desperately wanted to see him. I wanted to show him that people still thought and cared about him. I wanted him to know that he wasn’t alone. I wanted him to know how much of an impact he had made on me. I also wanted to pray over him. But, I was scared. I was scared of seeing him weak. I was scared of not knowing what to say. Therefore, I made up excuses for myself. I used the excuse that I didn’t know what hospital he was in. I used the excuse that no one would go with me. I used every excuse possible.
Eventually, my excuses ran out. God physically told me that enough was enough. My last week in America, I went to dinner with an old friend after church. It just so happened that our waiter was Joey’s best friend. I mentioned to him how I had been wanting to visit Joey. He said that Joey would love it and offered to go with me. Before I walked out of the restaurant, we exchanged numbers and set a date to go… But, I never went. I don’t remember why I didn’t go. I just remember that I didn’t.
On Christmas Day, I found out that I would never be able to see him. I found out through a Facebook status from his sister. At first, I couldn’t believe it. I honestly thought that he would get better. It didn’t make sense. Why did he have to pass away? He’s so young. To say that I cried is an understatement. I felt so much guilt for not visiting him. Why did he have to pass away when I was thousands of miles away? And, why of all days, did he have to pass on Christmas? I was wreck.
One of my teammates found me. She had recently experienced a loss and knew exactly what to say. God knew that I needed her. She insisted that Joey had forgiven me. She also helped me remember that a priest had prayed over Joey. Most importantly, she put Christmas into perspective. Jesus came to Earth so that we may one day be reunited with him. I was extra thankful for Christmas because it meant that Joey could be in a place far better than I am. Now, he is strong and healthy with his heavenly father. He will never have to experience pain again. At the end, she prayed over me and his family.
As I continued to grieve, God taught me a lot from Joey’s life:
- Visit those who are sick every chance that you get. Be eager to comfort those who are in pain. Remind those who are sick that they are important and not forgotten. When they are at their weakest point, try to give them strength. Lift them up with God’s love.
- Never be shy to share the Gospel and pray with others. It’s true that God’s will is going to be done with or without you. Although a priest did pray with Joey, God had also asked me. There isn’t always a backup. Next time, I may be the only one. I can’t hold back again.
- Live boldly. It isn’t fair that Joey got sick. It isn’t fair that he couldn’t live out his dreams. It isn’t fair that Joey couldn’t go to school or see the world. It isn’t fair that he couldn’t move or speak. Therefore, never be afraid to speak. Be bold and don’t hold back. Go places even when it is hard. Whatever you do, don’t hold things off for later. Be brave. Be strong. If Joey could fight a sickness for two years without rest, then I can fight too.
It was a hard Christmas because it’s impossible to count how many miles away Joey is from me. But, no matter what he is close at heart. He has left his mark on me. I’ll never be the same again because of him.
Love you, Joey!
