This season coming to an end brings mixed emotions. I am grateful to be here in month 11 and yet wish that I could start over now that I know what to do. Now that I know how to navigate this thing called the World Race a little better.
Each week our team has what’s called a Journey Marker. They’re checkpoints, devotionals, challenges and activities from leadership to help us process our time here on the Race both internally and externally. Recently we had one called “Suffering”. Here is an excerpt:
“It is necessary for us to embrace our brokenness. Only then can we allow God to bring us the full healing and wholeness we thirst for. And only then can we become true contributing members of the body of Christ — not independent or self-sufficient, but functioning as a unit the way we were intended to!
Most of us feel disconnected in life. We long for close friends, a better church, and greater intimacy. To get there, we must embrace the reality of our brokenness. We need to acknowledge the truth of the suffering and pain we have encountered—or are encountering. And then, we must allow God and His people to bring healing and truth to our darkest moments.”
We were encouraged to write a grief journal and asked questions to help us begin the process. To be honest, I’ve been thrilled with the idea of being home for so long that when I realized anger, denial, regret, and a slew of other unexpected emotions roused within me I was taken by complete surprise!
Why was I so angry? I know I’m happy to be going home soon. Why am I choosing to ignore some hard realities until I step foot on U.S. soil? How could I spend so much time thinking about home? Why was it a struggle to remain present? Where is the balance between staying connected with loved ones back home and staying in the here and now?
Truth is, I’m going to miss this craziness a little. The new places and people; Different challenges, the opportunities to learn and grow. I’m going to remember the wonderful conversations I’ve had and the ones I didn’t. The times where I stepped out of my comfortzone and the moments where fear or anxiety took over. The relationships I pursued and those I didn’t. The laughter and the tears.
Coming home is bittersweet. It’s not easy to leave the community you’ve spent all year developing. It’s painful to walk away from people and places all over the world and wish you could have them closer. It’s frustrating to live in a dichotomy of emotions… as though life won’t slow down long enough for the old to pass and the new to come.
Friends and family, please know that I am overjoyed to be returning home and seeing you very soon!! Please also know that coming home will bring its challenges. Tomorrow, “Part 2” will go into more detail of how you can enter into this process with me.
Love. Love.
Danielle
