A Word about Modesty
Let me talk about modesty for a moment.
The concept of modesty is typically applied to the way a person dresses. I recently heard a quote that said, Modern fashion is designed to reveal nakedness. But isnt it ironic that the first clothes were created by God to cover up nakedness. However, I think modesty goes way behind just clothing. So what is modesty in the first place?
The world views modesty as something prudish, yet the Bible teaches that modesty is actually just applied humility, and humility is one of the hallmarks Christ and subsequently the Christian faith (see Philippians 2). Unfortunately, we too have a twisted view of what modesty is.
False modesty says, Dont look at me. I dont want you to see me, because I am embarrassed about myself or because I dont trust you, so therefore I am going to hide myself from you.
True modesty says, I want to protect your purity. I do not want you to stumble, so I am going to take the attention off of me so you and I can both better pursue Christ.
False modesty deals with insecurity, embarrassment, shame, comfort, a lack of confidence, and avoiding impurity.
True modesty deals with security and confidence, a sense of beauty without flaunting it (yet note what God says about true beauty in 1 Peter 3:3-4), and protecting purity.
Relational Modesty
We should of course apply these principles to the way we carry ourselves outwardly, but what is more important to God (and what should be more important to us) is our heart (1 Samuel 16:7). These principles apply to our relationships as well.
I do advocate being open and honest with one another. My general rule is that I am willing to share anything as long as it either ministers to the other person or to me. I will share an embarrassing, hurtful or even shameful experience I have walked through if I believe that, in my sharing, it might minister to the person I am talking with. Likewise, if I need to be ministered to, I will not let my fear, shame, humiliation, embarrassment, etc. keep me from sharing and therefore miss out on an opportunity for the love and truth of Christ to be ministered to me, by either a man or a woman.
Yet I also see that it is important to have wisdom and discernment in what you do and do not need to speak. Often, specific details are not necessary. Sometimes, certain issues just need to be worked through first with certain people. Perhaps what you have to say might not be beneficialmight even be harmfulfor another person to hear about it (for example, it would not be wise to talk about your sexual struggles and temptations with the opposite sex). This is why wisdom and discernment (maturity) are necessary).
But some of the questions to ask are:
Do you just feel uncomfortable being vulnerable? Are you just operating out of what you feel comfortable with, or are you operating out of confidence in who you are and trusting those around you? Are you speaking with a proper view of modesty or from a false sense of modesty? Are you looking out for the best interests of those around you, or just only your own interests?
Mens and Womens Ministry to Each Other
And I am not saying that there is no place for womens ministry from women to women, or mens ministry from men to men. I think those things can be very good and beneficial. But are we just retreating to those comfort zones, or are we also able to operate in confidence in cross-gendered ministry for a wide variety of circumstances and situations.
Women have valuable perspectives on issues. And men do too! That is why I often try to seek both men and women out for wisdom, insight, and understanding. But I am very troubled when men do not seek out women because they think that womens opinions are somehow less valuable or intelligent than a mans. Likewise, I am troubled and saddened when I hear a woman that doesnt want to seek out what a man might have to say but only hear what women have to say because she doesnt trust men, and therefore she loses a valuable perspective that she might not otherwise be able to gain.
But am I going to react out of offense when someone does not open up and trust me, or will I instead react with compassion and love, seeing them for who they are where they are at and loving them for how they need to be loved in the moment, mindful of where they might have come from and where they are going (toward Christ)?
