I desire deepness. I like to have conversations about God, seeking out his deep truths and how to practically live in them every day. I like to talk with people about what they are personally going through: processing personal struggles or challenges, hurts or pains or wounds, victories and triumphs and celebrations, spiritual or intellectual discoveries, and emotional insights. I like to talk about not just the what of something but the why and the how of those things as well.
My desire for deepness is actually the expression of my deep desire for intimacy.
But why do I have such a deep desire for intimacy?
I believe there are several universal truths about human beings.
I believe we naturally have a Fear of Man which expresses itself in three main ways:
- Fear of Failure.
- Fear of Inadequacy.
- Fear of Rejection.
I also believe we have an innate Desire for Love, usually expressing itself in terms of
Intimacy
(which is comprised of)
o Trust
o Vulnerability
o Acceptance
(Together, this is the idea of knowing someone and being known by them).
Most peoples fear of rejection seem to outweigh their desire for acceptance, therefore they avoid intimacy, being scared of vulnerability, and have a problem trusting people, all these things which lead to love. This is what keeps them from feeling loved. On the flip side, I personally tend toward the opposite extreme: risking vulnerability in the pursuit of intimacy for the desire of acceptance, ultimately culminating in wanting to feel loved.
For me, this is why I want to get past the faade (masks, walls) because I cannot truly be known, accepted, and loved if I am not being real with people. However, this is also why so many people seem to have built up so many walls and hide behind so many masks, because they are so fearful of rejection that they would rather risk not being truly known. Therefore, they never are able to experience the fullness of love.
But what I am walking is not necessarily any better than what anyone else is walking through. I am still basing my desire for love on people, on mana Fear (reverence) of Man.
Ultimately, the only way that the Desire for Love is fulfilled is by casting off the Fear of Man. And the only way we can cast off a Fear of Man is to have a Fear of God. That Fear of God leads to an intimacy love for God, who has always loved us and who has accepted us unto himself through the person of Jesus Christ (see the Story of the Lost Son in Luke 15:11-32). This is the firm foundation on which all intimate relationships with others can be built (see Jesus prayer for us specifically in John 17:20-26). This is one reason why Jesus tells us to first love God, then to love others (see Matthew 22:34-40 or Mark 12:29-31).
