“You need to come home”, my sister said in a txt message early one Sunday morning. I was in Nepal. Still in my sleeping bag, with one eye slightly open. Everyone in the room was sleeping. I received another message saying, “Daniela, you need to come home now”. I txt her back, what’s going on? No answer. I call and call and call, no luck. Finally an hour later she answered the phone, she says “Daniela you need to get on the next flight, you need to be home right now”. As I raise my voice I ask, what happened? Tell me- she hesitates, “Maria, she’s gone”. (Maria is my older sister) In that moment I knew how she did it. There’s was no need to ask, no need for an explanation.
I sat on my sleeping pad and cried, I was angry, at myself for not being there with my family, at her for deciding to leave us and at God- where was He? Through out the next hour or so I couldn’t move, yet I wanted to do whatever it took to be home in that moment but I was stuck, sitting, thinking. My ministry team Gary, Natalie, Layne, Emily and Lorie where all next to me. Through out those moments of processing the news, my team/family prepared everything for me, booked flights, packed bags, prepared me to leave. If it wasn’t for them especially Natalie and Layne I would have been lost.
I arrived in Albuquerque, New Mexico 20 hours later. I thought that the flight would be the worst time of my life but there were no thoughts going through my mind, nothing, no tears, no sadness. I was numb! The plane was landing, outside my window were mountains, desert, shades of yellow and brown, New Mexico’s autumn morning. It became real,  I was back at home because my sister was gone. In the middle of all the organizing and people and friends and flowers I had to decide if I was going back to the mission field. I prayed and asked God, he said do what is in your heart. I said, but Jesus my heart says go back, actually my heart never left the field!
I began to feel guilty, here I am eager to go out and take hope and love to the people around the world when my own family is hurt and in desperate need of hope. What do I do Abba? I will be going back. I love and miss my family so much and I am hurt that such a thing has happened in my family, but this is not mine to carry. Scripture floods my mind; “But because my servant Caleb has a different spirit and follows me wholeheartedly, I will bring him into the land he went to, and his descendants will inherit it. Come, follow me,â€� Jesus said, “and I will send you out to fish for people. “But Jesus told him, “Follow me, and let the dead bury their own dead.â€�
This has been the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make, but I decide Jesus, I decide that Jesus is stronger than anything I could say or do here, Jesus is the healer, Jesus is my provider, Jesus is the only counselor, at the end of it all It’s always Jesus. Until the the end, I will follow!
